Monday Night Raw
1. Shut Your Whore Mouth, Layla. That's what JBL should have said to the former Diva's champion. But instead, that's what I screamed when I heard Layla trotting out her conspiracy theories. If Eve was involved in Kaitlyn's injury, then she hired someone else to do it. Why is no one mentioning the fact that Eve was talking to the Primetime Players when it happened? But anyway, back to the issue at hand. JBL made quick work of shutting Layla up by basically telling her to quit her bitching and do something about it. Somehow I don't really see Layla following that advice, unfortunately. I so looked forward to her return. And now I just want to stuff something in her mouth every time she speaks.
2. Well, It's a Start. Dolph Ziggler got to have a victory over Sanino, which at this point in time isn't saying a whole heck of a lot. But, Santino was until recently the United States Champion, so I suppose you could use that logic to land on him as the start of Ziggler's winning streak... you know, the one I was just talking about he needed to get him into the right league with that damned briefcase? So, it's a start, and I guess if I really had to get down and analyze it bit by bit, it's probably a good start. This is one case where the Internet Mark Goggles have been on so long it's hard to really tell.
3. And Now I'm at a Loss. I'm not entirely sure which other point I should emphasize here. Kane and Daniel Bryan was, as always, brilliant, but I'll be talking about them extensively for Smackdown. Ryder & Sandow was entertaining, but not exactly hype-worthy. And the main event once again ended in controversy, but I'm already kind of bored with it. Not sure if it was the "Super Main Event" thing we've seen a thousand times, or if the whole Sheamus thing has pissed me off so bad that I can't even enjoy a match that includes him... I dunno. Whatever it is, I'm just done with it.
TNA Impact
1. SHAQ: BECAUSE REASONS. So I heard Shaq was gonna be on the show and immediately I was having traumatic flashbacks to that quarterback they had get involved in a grudge with Bully Ray a while back. But the good news for me was that Shaq only showed up in the opening segment, backstage with Hulk Hogan. Which, once the show was over and I realized that was literally the only part he played that night, was pretty pointless. Not only was it pointless, it was fucking creepy! After letting Hulk know he was across the street in case of an emergency (I guess professional athletes just love this shit?), he proceeded to talk directly to the Aces & Eights by way of the camera, and I'm pretty sure that by the time the show proper started, that camera needed rape counselling.
2. Yes, Because Nobody Saw That One Coming. Since both teams earned their right to a rematch last week, there was a #1 contenders match this week between Kurt Angle & AJ Styles and Chavo Guerrero & Hernandez. But before a winner could be declared, Kaz & Daniels showed up to muck up the whole affair and cause the match to end in no contest.... I suppose assuming that if there's no winner, there are no contenders, but that's just crazy talk! This is professional wrestling! Instead, the most insanely predictable thing happened, and Hulk Hogan declared that at Bound for Glory, there will be a Triple Threat Match!!!! Everyone gasp and ooh and ahh appropriately.
3. Ooh, That's Gonna Leave a Lawsuit. We've all been trying to figure out just where the fuck this Aces & Eights thing is going, and me most of all. Quite frankly, it's starting to drive me insane.with all the back and forth going to each others' yards, and Aces & Eights apparent willingness to fight except that they keep scattering after a minute and a half of punching each other in the head. Well, guess what? They finally did something kind of actually menacing.this week: They kidnapped Joseph Parks! And then they hit him in the back of the head with a hammer!! The idea is, of course, that Joseph Parks' investigation into the faction has brought him too close to the truth, and therefore he must be eliminated in order for the group to retain anonymity. Probably this is the gateway to the big reveal that Joseph Parks was really Abyss all along! Which will be bad news for Hogan if the rumors are true and he's the true leader. (Please, Wrestling Gods, don't let that be true)
Friday Night Smackdown
1. The Only Reason to Hate Damien Sandow. Friday night brought nothing but joy this week. Pure, unadulterated, mark joy. But we'll get to all the reasons this show was awesome. This paragraph is about the opening segment. Edge showed up to express his utter confusion over what the hell is going on with Kane and Daniel Bryan. Daniel Bryan showed up to explain that he is in complete control of his emotions. Kane showed up to reiterate that HE, and NOT Daniel Bryan, is the Tag Team Champions. Edge tried to remind Kane what a monster he is by digging up all the horrible things they have done to each other over the years. Kane rectified all those wrongdoings by hugging it out with Edge. Daniel Bryan got upset (jealous, perhaps?) and started throwing a "NO!" fit, and Edge and Kane simultaneously invited him into the hug. I was just about to burst with fangirl giddiness over a group hug between Kane, Bryan, and Edge, but NO. No, I did not get my group hug, because before it could happen, Damien Sandow showed up to mock the trio. And this is the only thing that Damien Sandow has done since he's shown up that I have not absolutely loved. Then again, if they had group hugged, and I had reached max mark level, and THEN Sandow showed up, I'm not sure there's enough Lemon Pledge to clean all the bits of me off the furniture.
2. Jobbers R Us. This is definitely what I am calling the apparent new faction that has formed between Heath Slater, Jinder Majal, and Drew McIntyre. All this needs is a secret leader that turns out to be Trent Barretta. This whole thing started as a match between Heath Slater and Brodus Clay, and ended when Drew Mac and Jinder came out of nowhere to beat the hell out of Brodus. The three looked to be in cahoots, and maybe it's a small little thing, but in this show I feel it's especially in danger of being lost, and needs to be noted in case it actually amounts to something next week.
3. Unity! Okay, now let's talk about why this show was awesome. This show was awesome because it had a focus, and that focus perfectly wove a coherent narrative into a wrestling show. There was a first act, a second act, and a conclusion. There was the introduction of a conflict, escalation, and a resolution. As a theater person, I really appreciated the little play I was treated to. I certainly was not expecting that level of greatness, but I am not complaining. We started the show with Kane v. Damien Sandow, met the halfway point with Daniel Bryan v. Cody Rhodes, and capped the whole thing off with a tag team match. It was a simple, effective progression which was executed amazingly. During the main event, the Usos, the Primetime Players, and the team of Tyson Kidd & Justin Gabriel were all standing around ringside for observation. I liked that Kofi & R-Truth were not included in this, as they would have only taken the focus away from the true stars of the show. Cody Rhodes ended up getting tired of the match and introduced a chair, and that climaxed into a unity between the tag champs as they played Tag Team Whack-a-Mole to end the show. Ahhh, poetry.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Night of Champions
The first thing to note for this show is, of course, that JBL sat in for Jerry Lawler for this pay-per-view. The repertoire with Michael Cole was amazing and he added an element of importance to the commentary that hasn't been seen in quite some time. I will probably refer to this commentary from time to time, so I felt that it was important to point it out.
0. 16-Man Battle Royal (Pre-show, Winner challenges for US Championship later in the night): Well, this was pretty entertaining from the start, actually. During the entrances, there was certainly an aspect of "Well, here's all the guys that don't stand a chance" going on, especially with guys like Ted DiBiase and JTG coming out pretty much back-to-back, and the inclusion of Epico & Primo and the Primetime Players. The first guy to enter was Brodus Clay, and I never got the sense that this was the guy who might go over. Although I liked the fact that there were the inclusion of enough guys like him, Tensai, and Santino, that you didn't automatically know who was going to win. I'm sure a lot of people expected Santino to gain his rematch. However, it was finally clear what was happening when we got to the final four: The Primetime Players, Tensai, and Zack Ryder. As soon as I realized who was in the ring, I said to myself, "Wait a minute... really??" Sure enough, Ryder beat the odds, and ended the pre-show by giving the crowd a "Woo woo woo You know it!" for their money.
1. The Miz v. Rey Mysterio v. Sin Cara v. Cody Rhodes (Intercontinental Title): Miz made a lot of noise before the match about how unfair it was that he had to defend his title against three other men, and I think I would have liked to have seen a more definitive rivalry between him and one of the other participants, but the fatal four-way, again, gave a great sense of uncertainty. I was really skeptical going in because I thought there was a good possibility that he was going to drop the title to Rey, but I came out at the end happy as a clam, with Miz retaining, and Cody Rhodes making a damn good showing. I'm really really hoping that coming out of this, there is some kind of series of matches to determine the #1 contender that comes out with Cody on top. I think Cody Rhodes and the Miz have the potential to put on a fantastic program, and I don't even care if they don't turn either of them. A heel v. heel dynamic can be very interesting when done right. Both men have fantastic talent, and I love it when the audience is forced to make a decision on their own because it creates an amazing dynamic in the arenas.
2. Daniel Bryan & Kane v. R-Truth & Kofi Kingston (Tag Team Championship): Daniel Bryan and Kane have absolutely flawless chemistry. I know I've been fawning over them on this blog lately, but that's because every DB/Kane segment is the BEST DB/Kane segment. I don't know how the company hit upon the idea of putting these guys together, but whoever came up with it deserves a raise, tons of vacation time, and the right to choose a meaningless title that everyone else, including Vince McMahon himself, must address him by until the end of time. Can you imagine that? "Good afternoon, Mr. McMahon." "Good afternoon, BARON VON FRIENDSHIP." That mental image is almost as magical as the combo of Daniel Bryan and Kane have been for the last month, at least. Needless to say, they bickered needlessly, hugged it out, worked as a team for a while, started bickering again, and then repeated their accidental success from last Monday. Afterwards, each man insisted that he was the reason they won, so now we have the incredible meme of them yelling "I AM THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!" at each other back and forth. In the back, Dr. Shelby and AJ tried to get them to get along, and when Kane was asked if he had anything to say to Daniel Bryan, he gave the trio a Gatorade bath and yelled, "I'm going to Disney Land!" I really hope that there is follow-up on that. I need to see pictures of Kane chokeslamming Mickey Mouse and Daniel Bryan applying the No Lock to Goofy.
3. Antonio Cesaro v. Zack Ryder (US Championship): Two words came to mind when viewing this match: Dark Horse. I don't think anyone expected Zack Ryder to win, but that didn't stop him from giving it his all. The match was less than 7 minutes long (as a matter of fact, shorter than the Diva's Match), but both Cesaro and Ryder performed exceptionally well here. I'm not sure there's a lot that can be said as far as analysis goes... Ryder's a former champ, Cesaro is a powerful evil foreign heel... I doubt that we'll see a rivalry develop out of this, despite Ryder's performance. As beloved as he is, I don't think he's strong enough to uphold a title right now. He probably needs a story line that doesn't involve love triangles and murder before the general audience considers him as a potential challenger. Not that I have any great alternatives. I dunno, maybe I'll be surprised.
4. Randy Orton v. Dolph Ziggler: On the heels of the surprisingly good US title match came another match that was much better than I expected. I like Dolph Ziggler, of course, and I like Randy Orton to a degree. This is the best rivalry that Randy Orton has been in since he was fighting Christian for the World Heavyweight Championship, and this match came out of fucking nowhere. Randy Orton, since he is a top guy, eventually came out on top, but goddamn did Ziggler look strong. Finally! It's about damn time that Zigs got pissed and started beating mercilessly on his opponents. For a change, it didn't even matter that he lost because he's showing development... He's getting increasingly better against his veteran adversaries, which is exactly what needs to happen if he ever plans to cash in that damned briefcase. He needs to start getting over bigger and better names, so that his reign as World Heavyweight Champion will be believable.
5. Eve v. Layla (Diva's Championship): Now, those of you who haven't watched anything or read any results since Sunday will be wondering why Eve is in this match instead of Kaitlyn. Well, earlier in the night, Kaitlyn was injured by a mysterious masked attacker backstage. Clearly unable to perform, Eve assured her that she would get her title shot at a later date and told her to go get her ankle taken care of. Later, Teddy pointed out that all the championships needed to be defended, and Eve was appalled that she hadn't thought of that and lamented that no one else had earned a shot. Booker made a case for Eve and gave her the match. Eve only protested a little, but then she got on her gear and went out and kicked Layla's flawless ass. This is the best example of why having JBL back on commentary was an awesome thing. Through each and every single match, he put the talent over, and emphasized the importance of each championship, and the Diva's match was, for a change, treated with the same dignity and respect as the rest of the card. Hey, did you guys know that Eve is trained in jujitsu? I never would have known that if JBL hadn't been there to tell me. Besides the fantastic commentary, however, Eve and Layla performed better than we've seen from the Divas in a long time. Layla's still not great on that cross-body, but it's getting better. It's at least not in slow-motion anymore.
6. Sheamus v. Alberto Del Rio (World Heavyweight Championship): If there was one match on the card that I couldn't give a shit less about, it's this one. We've been at this rivalry for like 6 months now despite the fact that Sheamus and Del Rio have exactly zero chemistry together. I don't care that Sheamus won. I really don't. Whatever. The World title is meaningless. And also, I know I've said it so many times before, but FUCK BOOKER T. So here's the rundown on the latest side-plot, in case you missed it. Ricardo shoved Alberto Del Rio out of the way and took a Brogue Kick meant for him two weeks ago. Otunga was all over that shit and the following Friday, urged Booker T to ban the move, armed with evidence and ready to file suit if he didn't. Booker complied. Last Monday, Sheamus kicked Otunga in the head after their match had concluded and Booker showed up to inform him that he'd be stripped of his title if he did that again before the investigation was concluded. So of course on Sunday, just before the match, he showed up to announce that the Brogue Kick was reinstated. If you're doing the math, that's a total of 9 days that lasted. JBL had a bitch fit at the announcer's table, and I had one of my own on Twitter, for different reasons of course. JBL argued that it isn't an announcement you make right before a match (which I agree with). I argue that this whole thing has been the most pointless sub-plot in the history of wrestling. The whole thing with banning the Brogue Kick was stupid to begin with, as I detailed in last week's review. But if you're going to set the damned thing up, at least follow through with it. There was no point in banning the worst finisher of your worst champion the week before a pay-per-view if you're just going to reinstate it before the pay-per-view match. Goddammit, make him wrestle a match without it, so he can come to one of two realizations: 1) He realizes that he has relied on the Brogue Kick too heavily and needs to strengthen the rest of his moveset. or 2) He realizes he never needed the Brogue Kick to begin with, and would be just as happy never using it again. I would be just as happy never seeing this match again, but I have a sinking feeling that this horse hasn't been beaten enough.
7. CM Punk v. John Cena (WWE Championship): We've seen CM Punk battle Cena for the title before, and we know it's a good match. Heyman at ringside put a little icing on this cake, though. He tells a great story with his facial expressions and his body language. Knowing now that Cena rolled his ankle early in the match, a little extra credit goes to him for still putting on a show. People didn't like the ending of the match, which was a draw. The ref counted both men's shoulders as down at the same time, and in that event, there is no restart, and the victory goes to the champion. I guess it's pretty lame, really when you think about it. John Cena's loss is as usual anything but clean, and sure Punk gets to keep the title, but it just doesn't sit well with you, does it? I guess you could make an argument that they made that decision because it was Cena's home town, but he doesn't get the great hometown reaction most other wrestlers do, and besides, when was the last time wrestling in your hometown actually meant something in WWE? I find that the hometown "heroes" lose more often than they win these days. Pretty much you have to create riot-ready levels of frenzy, or be The Rock.
0. 16-Man Battle Royal (Pre-show, Winner challenges for US Championship later in the night): Well, this was pretty entertaining from the start, actually. During the entrances, there was certainly an aspect of "Well, here's all the guys that don't stand a chance" going on, especially with guys like Ted DiBiase and JTG coming out pretty much back-to-back, and the inclusion of Epico & Primo and the Primetime Players. The first guy to enter was Brodus Clay, and I never got the sense that this was the guy who might go over. Although I liked the fact that there were the inclusion of enough guys like him, Tensai, and Santino, that you didn't automatically know who was going to win. I'm sure a lot of people expected Santino to gain his rematch. However, it was finally clear what was happening when we got to the final four: The Primetime Players, Tensai, and Zack Ryder. As soon as I realized who was in the ring, I said to myself, "Wait a minute... really??" Sure enough, Ryder beat the odds, and ended the pre-show by giving the crowd a "Woo woo woo You know it!" for their money.
1. The Miz v. Rey Mysterio v. Sin Cara v. Cody Rhodes (Intercontinental Title): Miz made a lot of noise before the match about how unfair it was that he had to defend his title against three other men, and I think I would have liked to have seen a more definitive rivalry between him and one of the other participants, but the fatal four-way, again, gave a great sense of uncertainty. I was really skeptical going in because I thought there was a good possibility that he was going to drop the title to Rey, but I came out at the end happy as a clam, with Miz retaining, and Cody Rhodes making a damn good showing. I'm really really hoping that coming out of this, there is some kind of series of matches to determine the #1 contender that comes out with Cody on top. I think Cody Rhodes and the Miz have the potential to put on a fantastic program, and I don't even care if they don't turn either of them. A heel v. heel dynamic can be very interesting when done right. Both men have fantastic talent, and I love it when the audience is forced to make a decision on their own because it creates an amazing dynamic in the arenas.
2. Daniel Bryan & Kane v. R-Truth & Kofi Kingston (Tag Team Championship): Daniel Bryan and Kane have absolutely flawless chemistry. I know I've been fawning over them on this blog lately, but that's because every DB/Kane segment is the BEST DB/Kane segment. I don't know how the company hit upon the idea of putting these guys together, but whoever came up with it deserves a raise, tons of vacation time, and the right to choose a meaningless title that everyone else, including Vince McMahon himself, must address him by until the end of time. Can you imagine that? "Good afternoon, Mr. McMahon." "Good afternoon, BARON VON FRIENDSHIP." That mental image is almost as magical as the combo of Daniel Bryan and Kane have been for the last month, at least. Needless to say, they bickered needlessly, hugged it out, worked as a team for a while, started bickering again, and then repeated their accidental success from last Monday. Afterwards, each man insisted that he was the reason they won, so now we have the incredible meme of them yelling "I AM THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!" at each other back and forth. In the back, Dr. Shelby and AJ tried to get them to get along, and when Kane was asked if he had anything to say to Daniel Bryan, he gave the trio a Gatorade bath and yelled, "I'm going to Disney Land!" I really hope that there is follow-up on that. I need to see pictures of Kane chokeslamming Mickey Mouse and Daniel Bryan applying the No Lock to Goofy.
3. Antonio Cesaro v. Zack Ryder (US Championship): Two words came to mind when viewing this match: Dark Horse. I don't think anyone expected Zack Ryder to win, but that didn't stop him from giving it his all. The match was less than 7 minutes long (as a matter of fact, shorter than the Diva's Match), but both Cesaro and Ryder performed exceptionally well here. I'm not sure there's a lot that can be said as far as analysis goes... Ryder's a former champ, Cesaro is a powerful evil foreign heel... I doubt that we'll see a rivalry develop out of this, despite Ryder's performance. As beloved as he is, I don't think he's strong enough to uphold a title right now. He probably needs a story line that doesn't involve love triangles and murder before the general audience considers him as a potential challenger. Not that I have any great alternatives. I dunno, maybe I'll be surprised.
4. Randy Orton v. Dolph Ziggler: On the heels of the surprisingly good US title match came another match that was much better than I expected. I like Dolph Ziggler, of course, and I like Randy Orton to a degree. This is the best rivalry that Randy Orton has been in since he was fighting Christian for the World Heavyweight Championship, and this match came out of fucking nowhere. Randy Orton, since he is a top guy, eventually came out on top, but goddamn did Ziggler look strong. Finally! It's about damn time that Zigs got pissed and started beating mercilessly on his opponents. For a change, it didn't even matter that he lost because he's showing development... He's getting increasingly better against his veteran adversaries, which is exactly what needs to happen if he ever plans to cash in that damned briefcase. He needs to start getting over bigger and better names, so that his reign as World Heavyweight Champion will be believable.
5. Eve v. Layla (Diva's Championship): Now, those of you who haven't watched anything or read any results since Sunday will be wondering why Eve is in this match instead of Kaitlyn. Well, earlier in the night, Kaitlyn was injured by a mysterious masked attacker backstage. Clearly unable to perform, Eve assured her that she would get her title shot at a later date and told her to go get her ankle taken care of. Later, Teddy pointed out that all the championships needed to be defended, and Eve was appalled that she hadn't thought of that and lamented that no one else had earned a shot. Booker made a case for Eve and gave her the match. Eve only protested a little, but then she got on her gear and went out and kicked Layla's flawless ass. This is the best example of why having JBL back on commentary was an awesome thing. Through each and every single match, he put the talent over, and emphasized the importance of each championship, and the Diva's match was, for a change, treated with the same dignity and respect as the rest of the card. Hey, did you guys know that Eve is trained in jujitsu? I never would have known that if JBL hadn't been there to tell me. Besides the fantastic commentary, however, Eve and Layla performed better than we've seen from the Divas in a long time. Layla's still not great on that cross-body, but it's getting better. It's at least not in slow-motion anymore.
6. Sheamus v. Alberto Del Rio (World Heavyweight Championship): If there was one match on the card that I couldn't give a shit less about, it's this one. We've been at this rivalry for like 6 months now despite the fact that Sheamus and Del Rio have exactly zero chemistry together. I don't care that Sheamus won. I really don't. Whatever. The World title is meaningless. And also, I know I've said it so many times before, but FUCK BOOKER T. So here's the rundown on the latest side-plot, in case you missed it. Ricardo shoved Alberto Del Rio out of the way and took a Brogue Kick meant for him two weeks ago. Otunga was all over that shit and the following Friday, urged Booker T to ban the move, armed with evidence and ready to file suit if he didn't. Booker complied. Last Monday, Sheamus kicked Otunga in the head after their match had concluded and Booker showed up to inform him that he'd be stripped of his title if he did that again before the investigation was concluded. So of course on Sunday, just before the match, he showed up to announce that the Brogue Kick was reinstated. If you're doing the math, that's a total of 9 days that lasted. JBL had a bitch fit at the announcer's table, and I had one of my own on Twitter, for different reasons of course. JBL argued that it isn't an announcement you make right before a match (which I agree with). I argue that this whole thing has been the most pointless sub-plot in the history of wrestling. The whole thing with banning the Brogue Kick was stupid to begin with, as I detailed in last week's review. But if you're going to set the damned thing up, at least follow through with it. There was no point in banning the worst finisher of your worst champion the week before a pay-per-view if you're just going to reinstate it before the pay-per-view match. Goddammit, make him wrestle a match without it, so he can come to one of two realizations: 1) He realizes that he has relied on the Brogue Kick too heavily and needs to strengthen the rest of his moveset. or 2) He realizes he never needed the Brogue Kick to begin with, and would be just as happy never using it again. I would be just as happy never seeing this match again, but I have a sinking feeling that this horse hasn't been beaten enough.
7. CM Punk v. John Cena (WWE Championship): We've seen CM Punk battle Cena for the title before, and we know it's a good match. Heyman at ringside put a little icing on this cake, though. He tells a great story with his facial expressions and his body language. Knowing now that Cena rolled his ankle early in the match, a little extra credit goes to him for still putting on a show. People didn't like the ending of the match, which was a draw. The ref counted both men's shoulders as down at the same time, and in that event, there is no restart, and the victory goes to the champion. I guess it's pretty lame, really when you think about it. John Cena's loss is as usual anything but clean, and sure Punk gets to keep the title, but it just doesn't sit well with you, does it? I guess you could make an argument that they made that decision because it was Cena's home town, but he doesn't get the great hometown reaction most other wrestlers do, and besides, when was the last time wrestling in your hometown actually meant something in WWE? I find that the hometown "heroes" lose more often than they win these days. Pretty much you have to create riot-ready levels of frenzy, or be The Rock.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Week in Review: 9/10 - 9/14
To start right off with, the big story this week, was, of course, Jerry Lawler's sudden heart attack during the show on Monday and his following recovery, which has been incredible and surprisingly quick so far. It's been great to see the outpouring of support from all over the wrestling world, and Girls Watch Wrestling continue to hope for Jerry's full and speedy recovery.
Monday Night Raw
1. Team Friendship. So the logical progression of Kane & Daniel Bryan's anger management storyline put them together in a tag team match on Monday. Not only were they tag team partners, they were competing for the #1 contenders position for the tag titles. Predictably, they ended up not getting along very well in the ring. But also predictably (weirdly enough), they ended up winning. The best part of this was the way that it happened. It wasn't because, during the progression of the match, they ended up learning that Friendship is Magic and that Sharing is Caring. It's because Daniel Bryan was being a cocky prick and the chokeslam Kane delivered to him just so happened to land right on top of Darren Young. It was an accidental win, which I think makes this infinitely more interesting, because now they will have to force themselves to learn to work together. As a team. With each other. Hell Yes.
2. Sheamus' Interrogation. So, there are mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, bits of it were really entertaining. On the other hand, Brogue Kick. My stupid work schedule last week prevented me from writing my reviews, which means I didn't get to bitch and moan here about how stupid this story is. So they banned the Brogue Kick, so what? It's not that big a deal. Really. Sheamus still has a moveset filled with finishers: Celtic Cross, Irish Curse Backbreaker, White Noise, and now Texas Cloverleaf. ALL of those are suitable finishers. In fact, all of them (yes, even that damn Celtic Cross) are better finishers than the Brogue Kick. This segment pretty much just served to show us how much Sheamus isn't taking this ban seriously, which set us up for later when he kicked David Otunga after their match and Booker T came out to declare that if he did it again he'd be stripped of his title. Which at this point I would be okay with. I just don't have any interest in Sheamus anymore at this point. They want to paint him has the new Cena, but first he'd have to be entertaining when he speaks, which I haven't gotten from him in a long time.
3. Storytellers. After commentary stopped on Monday, the other match we got that was silent was Cody Rhodes v. Rey Mysterio. And if there was one match on that card that could tell its story just as well without someone telling us how to feel or think, this was it. As much as I'm tired of Rey Mysterio as a character, and as much as I really don't care for the 619 as a move, he's a good worker. Cody Rhodes is excellent as well, and he's very good at telling the story that's supposed to be told: Who's the hero? Who's the villain? Why is he reacting that way? We didn't need Michael Cole to tell us any of that, so it was a blessing in disguise that these two had to go out after the commentary went dark. They came out, they got interrupted by the Miz, Cody quickly put him down for getting involved, and then he declared without ever having to say anything that he intends to take HIS Intercontinental Championship back.
TNA Impact!
1. Tag Teams, Playas. Hogan gold Kazarian & Daniels that two teams had the right to ask for a rematch, so each one of them would be facing a member of one of the teams to determine which, if any, got a rematch. Naturally, both champions lost, so it looks like we're headed for a Triple-Threat of Kaz & Daniels v. Guerrero & Hernandez v. Angle & Styles. It's not like we didn't see those outcomes coming. Honestly, this was pretty predictable... but then the show as a whole was not all that great.
2. Joseph Parks Thinks He's Onto Something. So right after Hogan told his daughter that he was going to find her two bodyguards and that he wanted her travelling with two men at all times, Joseph Parks showed up to announce to Hogan that he's on the verge of breaking this case with Aces & 8s wide open! He thinks he's got evidence, and conveniently enough, it will arrive next week! The exchange that happened afterwards was sadly the most entertaining part of Impact this week, and that was the delightfully awkward and short conversation between Joseph Parks and Brooke Hogan after Hulk asked him to stay with her and protect her for the evening. Parks was... starstruck, I suppose... and suitably honored. Brooke was just... a little weirded out. Which seems like an illogical state for someone who's grown up being raised with a Nasty Boy as her babysitter.
3. Smark Tease. The main event of the evening was a rematch between Bully Ray and Jeff Hardy from No Surrender (which I also didn't get around to writing about, but was also an overall bland show). Halfway through the show on Thursday, Bully Ray challenged Jeff Hardy to put his spot at Bound For Glory on the line, which he unsurprisingly did. But this was cruel, and maybe I shouldn't label this "Smark Tease" so much as "Heel Fangirl Tease", because I'm sure the real smarks knew that Jeff Hardy would come out on top of this again, because he's Jeff Hardy, and that Bully Ray would be pushed aside for the title yet again... Because Jeff Hardy. Please, please let ONE of these guys be the leader of Aces & 8s.
Friday Night Smackdown!
1. The Intercontinental Title. So we finally have our Intercontinental Title match at Night of Champions, and not surprisingly, the last couple of weeks since Miz & Cody took on Rey & Sin Cara have been setting up for a fatal four-way. With Miz and Cody both in this match, I'm really torn how to feel. Cody, as I said before, is a really good storyteller, and that's why he did so well as the intercontinental champion before. Whenever you saw him with that belt, there was no question that it's a significant honor and needs to be recognized. Miz treats it with almost as much respect, and I feel like his presence has only gotten better recently. I could watch a Miz/Cody rivalry all day long, really. I feel like they're good foils, and it doesn't even matter where their alignment falls. I really like Miz in a champion capacity, so as much as I love Cody, I guess I'm rooting for Miz to retain. I feel like there's more that can be done in his story, and I want to see it continue.
2. Dr. Shelby for Superstar of the Year. When Dr. Shelby showed up on the stage after Kane's match with Kofi Kingston on Friday, at first I wasn't sure what he was trying to convey. And then Mehe yelled, "They're going to hug!!" and it all clicked together. I couldn't place his facial expression because "get back in there and hug that man you just murdered" isn't something we get normally in wrestling. The look on Kofi's face when Kane hugged him was priceless, and appropriately terrified. And Dr. Shelby doing his little golf clap was yet another one of those perfect little details that people take for granted. I feel like he's got more work to do with this pair. A lot more work. But every moment that Kane, Daniel Bryan, and/or Dr. Shelby are on my screen together, all I know is that it's pure magic.
3. Nothing Else Was Really Relevant. Well, okay, Kaitlyn beat Beth Phoenix, which was cool. Randy Orton demonstrated he was Genre Savvy by averting a sneak attack by Dolph Ziggler, which was actually kind of entertaining. Everything else was stupid and had no real bearing on the plot. Daniel Bryan asked for a rematch against Sheamus, since the Brogue Kick is banned now, and that was the main event and it ended in Sheamus putting Daniel Bryan in the Texas Cloverleaf. So... yeah. That's what's taking us into Night of Champions.
Monday Night Raw
1. Team Friendship. So the logical progression of Kane & Daniel Bryan's anger management storyline put them together in a tag team match on Monday. Not only were they tag team partners, they were competing for the #1 contenders position for the tag titles. Predictably, they ended up not getting along very well in the ring. But also predictably (weirdly enough), they ended up winning. The best part of this was the way that it happened. It wasn't because, during the progression of the match, they ended up learning that Friendship is Magic and that Sharing is Caring. It's because Daniel Bryan was being a cocky prick and the chokeslam Kane delivered to him just so happened to land right on top of Darren Young. It was an accidental win, which I think makes this infinitely more interesting, because now they will have to force themselves to learn to work together. As a team. With each other. Hell Yes.
2. Sheamus' Interrogation. So, there are mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, bits of it were really entertaining. On the other hand, Brogue Kick. My stupid work schedule last week prevented me from writing my reviews, which means I didn't get to bitch and moan here about how stupid this story is. So they banned the Brogue Kick, so what? It's not that big a deal. Really. Sheamus still has a moveset filled with finishers: Celtic Cross, Irish Curse Backbreaker, White Noise, and now Texas Cloverleaf. ALL of those are suitable finishers. In fact, all of them (yes, even that damn Celtic Cross) are better finishers than the Brogue Kick. This segment pretty much just served to show us how much Sheamus isn't taking this ban seriously, which set us up for later when he kicked David Otunga after their match and Booker T came out to declare that if he did it again he'd be stripped of his title. Which at this point I would be okay with. I just don't have any interest in Sheamus anymore at this point. They want to paint him has the new Cena, but first he'd have to be entertaining when he speaks, which I haven't gotten from him in a long time.
3. Storytellers. After commentary stopped on Monday, the other match we got that was silent was Cody Rhodes v. Rey Mysterio. And if there was one match on that card that could tell its story just as well without someone telling us how to feel or think, this was it. As much as I'm tired of Rey Mysterio as a character, and as much as I really don't care for the 619 as a move, he's a good worker. Cody Rhodes is excellent as well, and he's very good at telling the story that's supposed to be told: Who's the hero? Who's the villain? Why is he reacting that way? We didn't need Michael Cole to tell us any of that, so it was a blessing in disguise that these two had to go out after the commentary went dark. They came out, they got interrupted by the Miz, Cody quickly put him down for getting involved, and then he declared without ever having to say anything that he intends to take HIS Intercontinental Championship back.
TNA Impact!
1. Tag Teams, Playas. Hogan gold Kazarian & Daniels that two teams had the right to ask for a rematch, so each one of them would be facing a member of one of the teams to determine which, if any, got a rematch. Naturally, both champions lost, so it looks like we're headed for a Triple-Threat of Kaz & Daniels v. Guerrero & Hernandez v. Angle & Styles. It's not like we didn't see those outcomes coming. Honestly, this was pretty predictable... but then the show as a whole was not all that great.
2. Joseph Parks Thinks He's Onto Something. So right after Hogan told his daughter that he was going to find her two bodyguards and that he wanted her travelling with two men at all times, Joseph Parks showed up to announce to Hogan that he's on the verge of breaking this case with Aces & 8s wide open! He thinks he's got evidence, and conveniently enough, it will arrive next week! The exchange that happened afterwards was sadly the most entertaining part of Impact this week, and that was the delightfully awkward and short conversation between Joseph Parks and Brooke Hogan after Hulk asked him to stay with her and protect her for the evening. Parks was... starstruck, I suppose... and suitably honored. Brooke was just... a little weirded out. Which seems like an illogical state for someone who's grown up being raised with a Nasty Boy as her babysitter.
3. Smark Tease. The main event of the evening was a rematch between Bully Ray and Jeff Hardy from No Surrender (which I also didn't get around to writing about, but was also an overall bland show). Halfway through the show on Thursday, Bully Ray challenged Jeff Hardy to put his spot at Bound For Glory on the line, which he unsurprisingly did. But this was cruel, and maybe I shouldn't label this "Smark Tease" so much as "Heel Fangirl Tease", because I'm sure the real smarks knew that Jeff Hardy would come out on top of this again, because he's Jeff Hardy, and that Bully Ray would be pushed aside for the title yet again... Because Jeff Hardy. Please, please let ONE of these guys be the leader of Aces & 8s.
Friday Night Smackdown!
1. The Intercontinental Title. So we finally have our Intercontinental Title match at Night of Champions, and not surprisingly, the last couple of weeks since Miz & Cody took on Rey & Sin Cara have been setting up for a fatal four-way. With Miz and Cody both in this match, I'm really torn how to feel. Cody, as I said before, is a really good storyteller, and that's why he did so well as the intercontinental champion before. Whenever you saw him with that belt, there was no question that it's a significant honor and needs to be recognized. Miz treats it with almost as much respect, and I feel like his presence has only gotten better recently. I could watch a Miz/Cody rivalry all day long, really. I feel like they're good foils, and it doesn't even matter where their alignment falls. I really like Miz in a champion capacity, so as much as I love Cody, I guess I'm rooting for Miz to retain. I feel like there's more that can be done in his story, and I want to see it continue.
2. Dr. Shelby for Superstar of the Year. When Dr. Shelby showed up on the stage after Kane's match with Kofi Kingston on Friday, at first I wasn't sure what he was trying to convey. And then Mehe yelled, "They're going to hug!!" and it all clicked together. I couldn't place his facial expression because "get back in there and hug that man you just murdered" isn't something we get normally in wrestling. The look on Kofi's face when Kane hugged him was priceless, and appropriately terrified. And Dr. Shelby doing his little golf clap was yet another one of those perfect little details that people take for granted. I feel like he's got more work to do with this pair. A lot more work. But every moment that Kane, Daniel Bryan, and/or Dr. Shelby are on my screen together, all I know is that it's pure magic.
3. Nothing Else Was Really Relevant. Well, okay, Kaitlyn beat Beth Phoenix, which was cool. Randy Orton demonstrated he was Genre Savvy by averting a sneak attack by Dolph Ziggler, which was actually kind of entertaining. Everything else was stupid and had no real bearing on the plot. Daniel Bryan asked for a rematch against Sheamus, since the Brogue Kick is banned now, and that was the main event and it ended in Sheamus putting Daniel Bryan in the Texas Cloverleaf. So... yeah. That's what's taking us into Night of Champions.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Week in Wrestling: 8/27 - 8/31
Monday Night Raw
1. Anger Management. Okay, we just have to go ahead and get this out of the way, because this stuff was easily all the best parts of Raw. The segments with Daniel Bryan and Kane in their anger management class were all perfectly detailed, from the doctor's son showing up with a goat mask, to everyone except Daniel Bryan scooting as far from Kane as possible, to Kane's abridged autobiography. After the segments had aired, both men had appearances during the live show: Bryan had a match with R-Truth (which mostly consisted of Truth thinking he was having a good time and Bryan losing his shit, because, dude, he's still in denial), and Kane went on to give the best performance ever seen on television. He came down to sit at commentary (which caused Josh Matthews to flee), put the headset on just as awkwardly as you'd imagine he should, and then proceeded to sit there and watch the match between Zack Ryder and David Otunga intently never saying a damn word while Michael Cole desperately tried to make conversation while standing around the side of the announce desk. When the match was over, Kane almost destroyed Ryder again, but ended up letting the kid go and killing Otunga instead. I tell you, I could not stop marking for the entire duration of this match. It's incredible how sometimes doing nothing is the greatest thing in the whole fucking world. Hell, I'm still marking just thinking about it.
2. Triple H's non-speech. So, this one was super frustrating. The big question about Triple H following SummerSlam was, "Is Trips going to retire now?" He sure seemed sad on his walk out of the arena that night, and he was apparently so depressed it took him two weeks to come out and address The Universe directly. So when he showed up, he says, "Let's cut right to the chase; everyone wants to know am I retiring?" And the answer was a resounding.... *shrug*. What. The. Fuck. No, no, no. We did not go through all that build-up for that match, Triple H career highlights, and Shawn Michaels being all fucking concerned for Trips to just go, "I 'unno, I guess I need to think about it." on us. If you don't know, don't fucking make a big damn speech in a live ring. Make a short little video interview with Cole or Matthews or Striker saying, "Look, I'm just not sure where I stand at the moment, and I gotta take some time to regroup before I can speak definitively on the subject." Three minutes, tops. You don't need to take up ten minutes of Raw airtime talking about how you didn't want to be Ric Flair (except that you did), building up a big-ass goodbye speech only to go, "Gee, guys, this is a tough one." No, fuck you. Now you don't get time to decide. You make a decision, and you make it right the fuck now. You owe us that much for that big fucking copout you gave us on Monday. Asshole.
3. Punk v. Lawler. GO! So, the whole "kicked in the back" thing was, in fact, saved for me this week and I'm back on the Punk train. Lawler demanded an apology from Punk, Punk came out and berated his entire Hall of Fame career, was generally sick at disgusted that he's been getting away with it for so long, and finally, challenged him to a fight. Lawler said he'd think about it (like that's an appropriate comeback), and then about halfway through the show, Punk tweeted that he'd give Lawler the first shot, and Lawler must've finally thought to himself, "Shit, sounds better than spending the rest of the night listening to Michael Cole trying to goad me into this." AJ made a poll, and The Universe decided that this match ought to be contested in a steel cage, which was perfectly fine with me. Punk beat the crap out of Lawler, busted himself open, and in a twist ending, the cage match ended in a submission when Punk got the Anaconda Vice on Lawler. After that, Punk locked them into the cage (to some VERY half-hearted protests from the officials), and tried once again to get Lawler to admit that he's the best in the world. When the King still wouldn't relent, he simply drove his knee into him over and over and over and over and over... until John Cena came out, demanded the cage be lifted, and slid in underneath to help. Oh, yeah, Cena v. Punk at Night of Champions is a thing. So, yeah.
TNA Impact!
1. Kayfabe. Hogan and Sting are totally a thing now. And when I say they're a thing, I don't necessarily mean that they're working closely together to run the show and try to figure out this Aces & 8s thing. When I say they're a thing, I mean, I'm pretty sure they're an item now. Seriously, I can't watch Sting and Hogan on the screen together without hearing everything they say as a homoerotic euphemism. Case in point: Hogan brought Daniels & Kazarian into his office to reprimand them for the whole Claire Lynch thing, and just before they came in, Sting cooed, "I better see some Hollywood!" in the most stereotypical gay tone he could possibly muster. Yes, I definitely think that Sting is the bottom in this scenario. In any case, I think this may wind up being my favorite pairing of TNA stars since Bully Ray was yelling "JUST FLEX!" at Scott Steiner.
2. Kayfabe. Come to think of it, everyone seems to be going so much more over the top with their acting lately, and it is a beautiful thing. It's a fun look back at when the stars of the show were a zombie, a space alien, and a voodoo priest, and everyone still totally bought it. Hogan is really good at being annoyed and saying "brother" a lot, Sting is really good at being totally insane. Daniels plays the "Who, me??" card so incredibly well, and Joseph Parks has that whole thing that he does that I can't quite find the words to describe down pat. I'm not really entirely sure what the purpose was for Sting saying "Kayfabe" to Parks this week. Maybe it's part of his character? He's so insane now that he's not sure if he's actually rooted in the World of Wrestling and so he has to remind himself? And the best part is that Parks just went with it. After spewing his legal jargon that nobody understood for a few seconds, he probably just thought that was Wrestling Slang for, "We're in this together, dude." Which, I suppose, you could say is true.
3. Kayf--MATCH OF THE WEEK! Yes, the match of the week this week undoubtedly goes to AJ Styles and Samoa Joe. I just watched it again, and DAMN it is every bit as good on the second go-round. There was a beautiful story in that match, and these guys told it like fucking Homer and Virgil reciting epic tales of heroism. Everything was there: The history, the awareness, the stakes. They reminded the audience that they've both been in this company working together for ages by being evenly matched. They showed their knowledge of the ring through numerous rope-breaks. They presented the stakes by continually going for submissions on one another, because they both NEEDED those points. Angle & Hardy both needed the points too, but I don't feel like they really made us get that through the ring psychology the way AJ & Joe did. A fantastic back-and-forth, plenty of close calls, and a finish that feels satisfying on all levels. And it was nice and clean, which of course it should be.
Friday Night Smackdown!
1. The Future of Divas. You know, I said a while back that I thought AJ was the future of the Divas division, but lately, I've had to shift that moniker over to Kaitlyn. And it was nice this week to hear that kind of praise for the women coming from The Diva in Power, Eve. I don't know when I became an Eve fan, but I love watching her more every week. Like I said, this office role was custom-fit for her, and I like seeing her working to build the product and make it better. Kaitlyn had a match against Natalya this week, which, first of all, is brilliantly matched. Eve came out to do commentary, which was also pretty awesome, because she did exactly what you'd imagine is in the job description for Assistant to the General Manager: Build the Product, Build the Team, Build the Stars.
2. Another Rub? So on the 1000th episode of Raw, we saw Sandow interrupt and get squashed by DX... which only served to strengthen his position. After all, instead of simply being Our Savior, he is now Our Martyr. This week, Sheamus came out to say a few words on Triple H, but Sandow interrupted him. Booker T didn't waste TOO much time in booking them in a match, and we were all pretty excited around here. Sandow already has a match against the World Heavyweight Champion? Holy crap how incredible is that?? We weren't disappointed either, as Sandow was every bit as fierce and unrelenting as Sheamus in this matchup. It was a foregone conclusion that he wouldn't win, but what ended up happening was that halfway through, he apparently deemed it not worth his time, and left... which means Sheamus won by countout. Which means that Sandow can still say he has never been bested. Which is the best possible outcome for all parties involved.
3. Chaotic Neutral Kane is the Best Kane. I'm not stating this as any surprise to anyone, surely. Kane has always been pretty entertaining as the chaotic evil demon that destroys good people, but Chaotic Neutral Kane (and I will call him that from now on) is pure GENIUS. He wants to continue to hurt people, because that's who he is, so he goes to anger management so he can keep his job that allows him to do that. However, he realizes he wants to do well in his class, so he tries to take the necessary steps. But this whole thing goes so far against everything that has been ingrained in him from a small child, that he does not know which way to turn. On Monday, he chokeslammed Otunga instead of Ryder, because anger management is breaking through to him. On Friday, he explains to Josh Matthews that as part of his program, he's been asked to apologize for basically murdering him, which he does, begrudgingly. But THEN, when he loses his Teddy Long-appointed match against Alberto Del Rio, he completely loses his shit because that's who he is and proceeds to murder Josh Matthews again. Mehe says there's only one acceptable ending here, and that's Kane picking up Josh and carrying him up the ramp to the back, all the while screaming, "I'M SORRY!!" I think it's a pretty good thought, since clearly this conflict will rage on for a while, probably at least until Daniel Bryan figures out that he's angry. Hell, maybe Kane will develop a split personality in the meantime, so you just really never know who he's going to destroy this week. I am down for ALL of these possibilities, just as long as Kane continues to be on my television twice a week.
1. Anger Management. Okay, we just have to go ahead and get this out of the way, because this stuff was easily all the best parts of Raw. The segments with Daniel Bryan and Kane in their anger management class were all perfectly detailed, from the doctor's son showing up with a goat mask, to everyone except Daniel Bryan scooting as far from Kane as possible, to Kane's abridged autobiography. After the segments had aired, both men had appearances during the live show: Bryan had a match with R-Truth (which mostly consisted of Truth thinking he was having a good time and Bryan losing his shit, because, dude, he's still in denial), and Kane went on to give the best performance ever seen on television. He came down to sit at commentary (which caused Josh Matthews to flee), put the headset on just as awkwardly as you'd imagine he should, and then proceeded to sit there and watch the match between Zack Ryder and David Otunga intently never saying a damn word while Michael Cole desperately tried to make conversation while standing around the side of the announce desk. When the match was over, Kane almost destroyed Ryder again, but ended up letting the kid go and killing Otunga instead. I tell you, I could not stop marking for the entire duration of this match. It's incredible how sometimes doing nothing is the greatest thing in the whole fucking world. Hell, I'm still marking just thinking about it.
2. Triple H's non-speech. So, this one was super frustrating. The big question about Triple H following SummerSlam was, "Is Trips going to retire now?" He sure seemed sad on his walk out of the arena that night, and he was apparently so depressed it took him two weeks to come out and address The Universe directly. So when he showed up, he says, "Let's cut right to the chase; everyone wants to know am I retiring?" And the answer was a resounding.... *shrug*. What. The. Fuck. No, no, no. We did not go through all that build-up for that match, Triple H career highlights, and Shawn Michaels being all fucking concerned for Trips to just go, "I 'unno, I guess I need to think about it." on us. If you don't know, don't fucking make a big damn speech in a live ring. Make a short little video interview with Cole or Matthews or Striker saying, "Look, I'm just not sure where I stand at the moment, and I gotta take some time to regroup before I can speak definitively on the subject." Three minutes, tops. You don't need to take up ten minutes of Raw airtime talking about how you didn't want to be Ric Flair (except that you did), building up a big-ass goodbye speech only to go, "Gee, guys, this is a tough one." No, fuck you. Now you don't get time to decide. You make a decision, and you make it right the fuck now. You owe us that much for that big fucking copout you gave us on Monday. Asshole.
3. Punk v. Lawler. GO! So, the whole "kicked in the back" thing was, in fact, saved for me this week and I'm back on the Punk train. Lawler demanded an apology from Punk, Punk came out and berated his entire Hall of Fame career, was generally sick at disgusted that he's been getting away with it for so long, and finally, challenged him to a fight. Lawler said he'd think about it (like that's an appropriate comeback), and then about halfway through the show, Punk tweeted that he'd give Lawler the first shot, and Lawler must've finally thought to himself, "Shit, sounds better than spending the rest of the night listening to Michael Cole trying to goad me into this." AJ made a poll, and The Universe decided that this match ought to be contested in a steel cage, which was perfectly fine with me. Punk beat the crap out of Lawler, busted himself open, and in a twist ending, the cage match ended in a submission when Punk got the Anaconda Vice on Lawler. After that, Punk locked them into the cage (to some VERY half-hearted protests from the officials), and tried once again to get Lawler to admit that he's the best in the world. When the King still wouldn't relent, he simply drove his knee into him over and over and over and over and over... until John Cena came out, demanded the cage be lifted, and slid in underneath to help. Oh, yeah, Cena v. Punk at Night of Champions is a thing. So, yeah.
TNA Impact!
1. Kayfabe. Hogan and Sting are totally a thing now. And when I say they're a thing, I don't necessarily mean that they're working closely together to run the show and try to figure out this Aces & 8s thing. When I say they're a thing, I mean, I'm pretty sure they're an item now. Seriously, I can't watch Sting and Hogan on the screen together without hearing everything they say as a homoerotic euphemism. Case in point: Hogan brought Daniels & Kazarian into his office to reprimand them for the whole Claire Lynch thing, and just before they came in, Sting cooed, "I better see some Hollywood!" in the most stereotypical gay tone he could possibly muster. Yes, I definitely think that Sting is the bottom in this scenario. In any case, I think this may wind up being my favorite pairing of TNA stars since Bully Ray was yelling "JUST FLEX!" at Scott Steiner.
2. Kayfabe. Come to think of it, everyone seems to be going so much more over the top with their acting lately, and it is a beautiful thing. It's a fun look back at when the stars of the show were a zombie, a space alien, and a voodoo priest, and everyone still totally bought it. Hogan is really good at being annoyed and saying "brother" a lot, Sting is really good at being totally insane. Daniels plays the "Who, me??" card so incredibly well, and Joseph Parks has that whole thing that he does that I can't quite find the words to describe down pat. I'm not really entirely sure what the purpose was for Sting saying "Kayfabe" to Parks this week. Maybe it's part of his character? He's so insane now that he's not sure if he's actually rooted in the World of Wrestling and so he has to remind himself? And the best part is that Parks just went with it. After spewing his legal jargon that nobody understood for a few seconds, he probably just thought that was Wrestling Slang for, "We're in this together, dude." Which, I suppose, you could say is true.
3. Kayf--MATCH OF THE WEEK! Yes, the match of the week this week undoubtedly goes to AJ Styles and Samoa Joe. I just watched it again, and DAMN it is every bit as good on the second go-round. There was a beautiful story in that match, and these guys told it like fucking Homer and Virgil reciting epic tales of heroism. Everything was there: The history, the awareness, the stakes. They reminded the audience that they've both been in this company working together for ages by being evenly matched. They showed their knowledge of the ring through numerous rope-breaks. They presented the stakes by continually going for submissions on one another, because they both NEEDED those points. Angle & Hardy both needed the points too, but I don't feel like they really made us get that through the ring psychology the way AJ & Joe did. A fantastic back-and-forth, plenty of close calls, and a finish that feels satisfying on all levels. And it was nice and clean, which of course it should be.
Friday Night Smackdown!
1. The Future of Divas. You know, I said a while back that I thought AJ was the future of the Divas division, but lately, I've had to shift that moniker over to Kaitlyn. And it was nice this week to hear that kind of praise for the women coming from The Diva in Power, Eve. I don't know when I became an Eve fan, but I love watching her more every week. Like I said, this office role was custom-fit for her, and I like seeing her working to build the product and make it better. Kaitlyn had a match against Natalya this week, which, first of all, is brilliantly matched. Eve came out to do commentary, which was also pretty awesome, because she did exactly what you'd imagine is in the job description for Assistant to the General Manager: Build the Product, Build the Team, Build the Stars.
2. Another Rub? So on the 1000th episode of Raw, we saw Sandow interrupt and get squashed by DX... which only served to strengthen his position. After all, instead of simply being Our Savior, he is now Our Martyr. This week, Sheamus came out to say a few words on Triple H, but Sandow interrupted him. Booker T didn't waste TOO much time in booking them in a match, and we were all pretty excited around here. Sandow already has a match against the World Heavyweight Champion? Holy crap how incredible is that?? We weren't disappointed either, as Sandow was every bit as fierce and unrelenting as Sheamus in this matchup. It was a foregone conclusion that he wouldn't win, but what ended up happening was that halfway through, he apparently deemed it not worth his time, and left... which means Sheamus won by countout. Which means that Sandow can still say he has never been bested. Which is the best possible outcome for all parties involved.
3. Chaotic Neutral Kane is the Best Kane. I'm not stating this as any surprise to anyone, surely. Kane has always been pretty entertaining as the chaotic evil demon that destroys good people, but Chaotic Neutral Kane (and I will call him that from now on) is pure GENIUS. He wants to continue to hurt people, because that's who he is, so he goes to anger management so he can keep his job that allows him to do that. However, he realizes he wants to do well in his class, so he tries to take the necessary steps. But this whole thing goes so far against everything that has been ingrained in him from a small child, that he does not know which way to turn. On Monday, he chokeslammed Otunga instead of Ryder, because anger management is breaking through to him. On Friday, he explains to Josh Matthews that as part of his program, he's been asked to apologize for basically murdering him, which he does, begrudgingly. But THEN, when he loses his Teddy Long-appointed match against Alberto Del Rio, he completely loses his shit because that's who he is and proceeds to murder Josh Matthews again. Mehe says there's only one acceptable ending here, and that's Kane picking up Josh and carrying him up the ramp to the back, all the while screaming, "I'M SORRY!!" I think it's a pretty good thought, since clearly this conflict will rage on for a while, probably at least until Daniel Bryan figures out that he's angry. Hell, maybe Kane will develop a split personality in the meantime, so you just really never know who he's going to destroy this week. I am down for ALL of these possibilities, just as long as Kane continues to be on my television twice a week.
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