Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Raw 1000

Since basically everything on Raw 1000 was a talking point, I decided to go ahead and give it its own post this week.  I tend to pick three or four things to focus on in each show during the week usually, but after the show, I realized there was no way I could narrow it down like that this time.  There's too much to talk about, and I feel like if I only picked a few things, I'd be doing a great disservice to the wrestling community.  Let's dive on in, then, shall we?

1. DX Reunion, and the rub of the year so far.  The show started appropriately enough with the announcement of Vince McMahon, who was clearly too excited to contain his pride.  Vince, in turn, made his appearance short and sweet by announcing DX.  But when HHH and Shawn Michaels got to the ring, they realized something was missing... there were too few of them.  Cue the mini-tank carrying X-Pac and the New Age Outlaws.  It's understandable why Chyna wasn't invited, although it's worth noting that she tweeted her congratulations to WWE, and offered her thanks to the fans for making pro wrestling what it is today.  Billy Gunn in particular looked really excited to be back, and the old DX magic was certainly there.  But just as Gunn & Michaels were about to do the "if you've got a problem with that" part of the routine, the group was interrupted by... Damien Sandow???  He may have been superkicked & pedigreed for his troubles, but his presence in itself is a great show of faith in the guy, and I'm excited for his future.

2. JR calls the first match of the night.  Okay, maybe the 6-man tag in itself wasn't anything truly special, but it did help to fuel the fire between Jericho and Dolph Ziggler, who were supposed to be on the same team.  What made the match feel a lot more awesome was the inclusion of Good Ol' JR at the announce table.  It's always good to hear his voice (a great reason to watch NXT, by the way), and just for the occasion he dusted off a few of his old catchphrases, including working the word "slobberknocker" into a sentence.  Wrestling is missing the play-by-play guy these days.  Most non-finishers are grouped together into move-type categories, which is unfortunate, because when someone mentions a move by name, then you're not really sure which move in that last set they were talking about anymore.  It was a great reminder of one of the many things that made me fall in love with wrestling.

3. The Wedding.  Here's the part I was actually most looking forward to.  I was hoping that Kane would bring the cake, that Show would come out and be told he couldn't have any, and then he would angrily dump a bucket of water over the happy couple, ruining their special day.  What actually happened was much better than that.  Just as it looked like the ceremony was going off without a hitch (and by the way, if anyone remembers Slick, that was their minister), AJ revealed that someone else had proposed to her.  Mr. McMahon came out and explained that the proposal was a business proposal, and that AJ is now the general manager of Raw.  AJ skipped (which takes talent to do in a wedding dress), and Bryan destroyed the set.  The great part about this is that the community appears to be totally split on how they feel about this, and it has sparked a lot of debate.  Here's how I feel.  AJ as general manager should be a great angle, if they keep her mischevious.  Think about it:  Nobody knows what her agenda is.  Nobody knows just what is going to set her off.  I want to see the superstars tip-toeing around her to get what they want, for fear they'll have to face the music.  It's also General Manager tradition to have a one-man wrecking crew that dispatches the guys they don't like for them.  Teddy Long had Khali.  Laurinaitis had Tensai.  AJ has Kane.  They've been building a history for seemingly no reason.  But I think this is the payoff, and AJ knows she has all the tools she needs to continue her agenda, whatever the hell that may be.

4. Awesomely Intercontinental.  The WWE Universe voted in a poll on WWE.com to decide who Christian should face in a championship match on Monday.  The winner of the poll was the Miz, and wouldn't you know it, he won!!  It's a big deal for him, not just because he's back on his game again, but also because this win earned him the honor of being listed as a Triple Crown champion.  It should be a big deal for the Intercontinental Title, too, because after the losing streak he's been on over the last year, Miz is not the kind of guy to take the belt for granted.  I don't know if he'll continue to feud with Christian, or if Cody Rhodes will take another crack at it, or if there is someone else on the horizon to challenge for the title, but I know whoever picks up the challenge will be in for a fight.

5. Brock Lesnar says "no"... at first.  Triple H made his second appearance of the night to remind Lesnar that he'd promised him an answer to his SummerSlam challenge.  Paul Heyman showed up instead, and re-iterated that the answer was no, Brock was not going to fight him.  After bringing up his children, Mama Bear Stephanie McMahon showed up to slap the shit out of Heyman, which apparently was all the provocation he needed.  After accepting, he realized he'd been goaded, and here's where the greatest part of this segment happened.  He noted to Stephanie that she always gets what she wants, to which she just smirked and shrugged.  Eventually Brock Lesnar did show up to brawl with Trips for a bit in order to give us the one preview of their match that we will see.  It actually did a good job of making me want to see the show.

6. Heath Slater's Opus.  It was time for the big one.  Heath Slater challenged any Legend in the back to come out and face him in a no DQ match and was answered by Lita, who looked amazing!  After the bell had rung, but before the match had actually begun, Lita announced that she had hired protection, and sure enough, out came Bradshaw and Ron Simmons.  After that, it was just an orgy of Legends.  Slater tried to escape, but was chased back into the ring by every single legend he's faced so far, where he was promptly destroyed by Bradshaw's Clothesline From Hell.  Lita hit a Twist of Fate, then a Moonsault, and after the match was over, the Stars of Raw's Past all celebrated together, complete with Simmons summing up the whole experience with, "DAMN!"

7. The Brothers of Destruction.  That is all.  Looked like Kane was supposed to have a match, but a new Job Squad comprising of Jinder Majal, Curt Hawkins, Tyler Reks, Drew McIntyre, Hunico, and Camacho showed up and surrounded the ring.  Their plans were promptly destroyed by the arrival of the Undertaker.  This was by far my biggest mark-out moment of the night.  My toes curled, I was so excited to see Taker.  And the side-by-side Choke Slams followed by the side-by-side Tombstones was almost more than I could handle.

8. Time for a Change, Take Two.  You may have noticed above that I did not mention that CM Punk came out to talk to Daniel Bryan after the non-wedding, and that the Rock showed up to announce that he would be facing whoever was WWE champion at the Royal Rumble, and I did that on purpose.  That whole segment really fit in with the main event of the show.  The main event, of course, was Punk v. Cena for the title, as Cena cashed in his briefcase like a man of honor.  The match went pretty back and forth, but the turning point came when the ref was knocked out, and Big Show took that opportunity to rush in and decimate Cena.  Punk took a long time deciding to pull the ref back in and go for the cover, but when Cena kicked out, Big Show decided that he gave no fucks and came back to force the DQ.  Punk hung his head in shame... at first.  But then when he was about to leave, the Rock showed up, and Punk snapped back to reality and laid out The Great One.

Yet again, the community is totally split on this.  Is it a heel turn?  Is it a good move for the story?  Is it a good move for CM Punk?  For my part, the answers are, in order, Sort of, Yes, and YES.  Punk is in that very unique "tweener" place that Austin was in during the Attitude Era.  He can play the same character and get totally different reactions, simply decided on who he's facing and how the commentary team acts.  As far as the commentary is concerned, YES, this was a heel turn.  If you're not sure how to feel about this, remember last summer when Punk went after the company in general, and Cena in particular, in order to demand the attention he deserves.  He was a heel when all that started, and rather solidly so.  I remember reminding people vehemently that he actually wasn't a face, because we were all so passionate about what he was doing.  And then what did he do?  He campaigned for change, and that got us Laurinaitis.  And after that?  Well, nothing changed, really.  John Cena is still treated like he is the best, and CM Punk has to bust his ass just to hope he's in the first hour main event.  John Cena, Big Show, and The Rock, are all the guys that have still been overshadowing him, despite the fact that he is the WWE Champion.  It's been a year, folks, and he still gets no respect.  So the "heel turn" on Monday night is the beginning of a second attempt to do what he's failed to do so far, and that's get himself into the spotlight.  The last time the title match was the last match of a pay-per-view was when he faced Cena for the title at TLC in December (However, the title match was the last thing before the titular Royal Rumble match this past January, which depending on your view may also count)..  Since then, the main event has been hogged by the gauntlet laid out for Cena, which we've gotten so used to, we're actually playing devil's advocate and noting supposedly logical reasons why Cena's matches always trump the belt.  I think it's just hit Punk that he's done nothing with that title, and it's time to stand up and take some action.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Week in Wrestling: 7/15 - 7/20

Money in the Bank


1. The Return of Awesome.  The Miz came back!  He began maybe the best promo he's done in a while with a sly, "Miss me?"  and it was beautiful.  There may have been a little ring rust when it came down to the actual Money in the Bank match, but he must have had a really good acting coach during The Marine 3, because he made his initial comeback extremely entertaining, and he didn't even really say much except, "I made a movie.  Now I'm back.  I'm in the Money in the Bank match."  Yes, after all this time, I am still a Miz mark.

2. Tag Team, Playas!  The most unexpected and welcome surprise of the night actually came from a match that wasn't advertised in advance, and that was the tag team match between The Primetime Players and Los Primos Colons.  Truth Boom were at ringside on commentary during this match, and they really gave a lot of attention to the fact that AW is constantly mic'd up.  Surprisingly, stating the obvious just made the gimmick that much more over.  The match lasted much longer than expected - 9 and a half minutes exactly - which made it feel much less like filler (unlike, say, the Divas match), and much more like it was always meant to be there.  It felt like an important time for the tag division, and the parties involved in the match officially have my full attention.  Rosa also seems to have taken some dancing lessons and it's not as painful to watch her swinger her hips around.

3. What the hell WAS AJ's plan??  So, I believe I was the first one in the house to suggest that AJ may call the WWE Championship match down the middle, and that is exactly what happened.  The match worked really well for all the bullshit potential it had.  AJ got knocked out just a few minutes into the match and had to be replaced by an actual referee, but returned with time to spare.  Good move, I thought.  There was way too much potential for the AJ factor to get really old really fast, and taking her out of the ring for a while kept the wrestling from getting buried under all the drama.  And at the end of it all, we still weren't sure what was on AJ's mind.

4. Expected, and Yet, Unexpected.  Sheamus, to nobody's surprise, went over Alberto Del Rio in a rather lackluster match that I mentioned earlier I didn't have high hopes for.  Also to no one's surprise, John Cena took home the WWE Money in the Bank, although the smarks are having a hard time believing it was supposed to happen that way.  After a hard-fought match from all competitors, Cena and Big Show were on top of Show's GINORMOUS LADDER OF DOOM fighting over the briefcase when, to even Cena's surprise, the handle snapped off and Cena was left just as shocked as anybody else.


Monday Night Raw


1. Pipe Bomb Dud, or, MitB Reset Promo #1:  The show started with CM Punk celebrating his latest step towards breaking the top ten longest championship reigns in WWE history.  But Big Show crashed the party to 1) do some griping about losing his MitB match, and 2) try to lay a pipe bomb of his own.  Except that his pipe bomb amounted to, "John Cena might cash in his contract after our match tonight BOOM!"  As per tradition, CM Punk was not impressed.  Also, in case you missed it, this gif by our friend CWMonkey has been making its rounds on pro wrestlers' twitters this week.  It seems to have been initially tweeted to Punk by a fan, and I think we can now say that Wrestling With Text is CM Punk-approved.

2. But Where Was the Worm?  Heath Slater acknowledged his bad luck against the Legends over the last month or so, but he was sure that his luck was going to change... that is, until Rikishi came out.  While I don't like the Stink Face as a wrestling move, I simultaneously believe that Rikishi should be the only person ever allowed to do it.  Rikishi put up a great performance, ending the match with a superkick to Slater's face.  Afterwards, the lights went down, and I had just enough time to correctly predict that when they came back up, his sons, The Usos, would be on either side of him to dance.  Sure enough, the three of them did the old 2 Cool routine, and you just imagined Jimmy & Jey studying tapes to get the moves down just right.  The only thing missing, as mentioned, was one of them doing the Worm.

3. The Proposal, Take 2.  Daniel Bryan and AJ had a mixed tag match against Eve and the returning Miz, and despite Eve's fierce and relentless attacks towards AJ, that's not the story here.  After Bryan and AJ won the match, Daniel Bryan admitted that he loved AJ, got down on one knee, and proposed for the second time, with a ring and everything.  After about 30 seconds, and approximately 27 different facial expressions from AJ, she finally smiled and accepted, and the two left the ring, chanting "YES!" together.  I'm feeling lately like we're in Act 2 of this story, and it's dragging a bit as a result of exposition, but I expect it to pick up soon, as they're getting married next week on Raw 1000!

4. Truth Hurts, or, MitB Reset Promo #2:  Returning to his gimmick of not saying anything, Jericho interrupted Ziggler's celebratory promo on winning the World Heavyweight Championship MitB match, but this time, his silence wasn't because he was trolling anyone.  Ziggler never let him get started before he delivered the promo of his career against the veteran.  He tore into Jericho every which way he could, reminding him that he hasn't won an important match since he returned, and suggesting that maybe he's losing his touch.  While Ziggler and Vickie laughed, Jericho let the words sink in and fester, and then responded with a Code Breaker.  I am very, very, VERY okay with this pairing.


TNA Impact!


1. BFG Madness!  I have to admit, I really like when it's time for the Bound For Glory series.  I think it's a great device to mix up the roster and keep matches fresh.  It's a great way to continue existing storylines, and to set up new ones.  You're not seeing the same matches week after week after week, and you can really get excited and choose a guy to root for.  I'm rooting for Samoa Joe, and he didn't disappoint this week when he picked up 10 points in a submission victory over The Pope.  Other results this week:  Robbie E tricked a 5-point count-out victory out of Jeff Hardy, Anderson pinned AJ to move up 7 points, and Daniels did the same (via ropes) to RVD.  And then Bully Ray pinned Magnus.

2. Aces and WTF? Besides recaps on the conditions of Hogan and Sting, we had several new attacks from the Aces & 8s this week, who seem to have stepped up their violence levels this week.  They started the show by taking out Kurt Angle before he could respond to James Storm's call-out.  They took out the Gut Check contestant, Sam Shaw.  And they ended the show by laying into both Austin Aries and Bobby Roode.  They give no fucks, these guys.  Hey does anyone else think that the increase in attacks is a little too coincidental to the return next week of...

3. Chavo Motherfucking Guerrero.  It's all happened very fast: the announcement that he's signed, the promo video this week, and the announcement that he'll be on next week for the show.  I'm actually pretty excited to see what they do with him, but I have my suspicions.  Then again, this is TNA, and it is a little bit harder to predict than the ol' reliable 'E.

4. Wrestling Matters; That's Why Our Stories Suck.  Okay, okay, not all stories in TNA suck.  They've actually been doing pretty well with most of the roster.  I'm not sure how I'm feeling about Aces & 8s yet, but I do know that at this point I officially hate the Daniels/Claire/AJ angle.  The latest development (pun intended) is that Claire had printed out photos from her phone that she had taken of her and AJ together, in bed, where AJ is clearly unconscious.  Oh my god, make it stop already.  Stop adding extra layers to this already steaming pile of shit, and end the story right now.  Just drop it.  Don't talk about it next week, or the week after that, or EVER AGAIN.  Just act like it never happened.  Trust us, we won't fault you for it.


Friday Night Smackdown


1. It's Called "Character Development":  AJ & Daniel Bryan were guests on Christian's "The Peep Show" this week, where Christian called their relationship into question, and afterwards informed the couple of a match that Bryan didn't realize he had tonight--against Kane.  The match ended in a DQ after AJ jumped on Kane's back to keep him from getting the advantage.  The long stare between Kand and AJ moments later keeps the questions boiling for the intentions of AJ, and I have a feeling that their wedding on Raw 1000 will be full of unexpected surprises.

2. More Heel Managers, Please!:  Best part of the show for me this week?  The backstage segment between Vickie Guerrero and Ricardo Rodriguez.  Vickie was understandably upset that Del Rio had called her a "burra" (that would be "donkey" for non-Spanish speakers), and Ricardo just passed it off as jealousy. Then Vickie screamed in Ricardo's face, and he twisted up his nose and plugged up his ears to survive it.  I'd be okay with them eventually forming some sort of super-stable, except for the fact that I think Ricardo's true roll as Evil Mastermind will come to the forefront soon enough.

3.  What a Rush!!  As a special treat on the last show before the much-hyped Raw 1000, we were served up a special dessert of Heath Slater being squashed by Road Warrior Animal.  Like Rikishi, the man still has got moves, and it was quite a surprise for those thinking the Legends thing was only happening on Monday Nights.



In case you didn't know, this Monday is Raw 1000, and marks the beginning of 3-hour Raws!  We'll have to see if the returns of DX and The Rock, the Wedding of Daniel Bryan and AJ, and John Cena's title match against CM Punk will be worth all the Touting.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Ladders v. Poles

So in the aftermath of Money in the Bank, I got to thinking about ladder matches.  And I made a very odd discovery in my brain that brought up a few questions.  I don't know what brought the Pole Match to the forefront of my thought process, but I suddenly realized something that struck me as very odd.  Besides the location of the object or prize, and the method used to reach it, they're essentially the same type of match.  The object is to incapacitate your opponent so that they cannot stop you from climbing up to grab the prize in question.  So, what is the difference, really?

The simple answer seems to be one word:  Russo.  While ladder matches are almost always contested for a title (or a shot at a title), the same is rarely the case for pole matches.  I never watched WCW when it was on, but it's pretty common knowledge that Vince Russo fell in love with the pole match and put everything imaginable on one.  According to Mehe (and I can't verify the intensity of her sarcasm on this statement), there was a pole match pretty much every other Monday on Nitro.  Perhaps he felt it was so versatile, simply because you can put whatever you want up there.  However, once the prize on the pole is a live person, perhaps it's time to put it to rest.

I can't fault him completely for the idea.  I started watching old pay-per-views a while back, and when reading the match listing prior to watching Starrcade 1985, I was legitimately intrigued by the entry of a "Mexican Death Match".  Then I actually watched the show, and the Mexican Death Match turned out to be... a sombrero on a pole.  Fucking seriously?  Manny Fernandez and Abdullah the Butcher beat each other to a bloody pulp in order to claim a sombrero?  They made it feel like it mattered, but that wasn't the point.  When you label something a Death Match, you kind of expect a more climactic finish than one of the guys grabs a big silly hat, and that's it.  I said out loud to my screen, "Dear everyone from 1985, do not let Vince Russo see this match."

Let's move on to the Ladder match.  Like I said, mostly the prize suspended above the ring is a title or a shot at a title.  There have been a few ladder matches that weren't.  Rey Mysterio v. Eddie Guerrero for the custody of Dominic (aka, "Where the fuck was Vickie??") comes to mind.  But the ladder match is pulled out much less often with a much better payoff.  If they're not contested for titles, the match is at least the climax of a major storyline.

We have the Ladder Match DVD at our house.  The first match on the DVD is Jake Roberts v. Big Daddy Ritter in 1979.  The title was secured to scaffolding above the ring.  The ladder wasn't the fold-out types used by today's superstars.  It was a straight ladder that they propped up against the scaffolding.  The two refs were there seemingly mainly just to hold the ladder to make sure the wrestlers didn't fall.  It was insanity, and you just knew that there was a big prize on the line.

So is it just that tradition now dictates that Pole Match = Lame, while Ladder Match = Awesome?  Perhaps.  There's no rule dictating that you can't put a title on a pole, but you'll be hard pressed to find such an occasion.  There must be some factor tilting in the favor of the Ladder Match, and there is.  It's the ladder.  While, like I said, the objective of both matches is effectively the same, the mechanics of the matches are not.  The pole is fixed and secure in the corner of the ring.  That sucker isn't going anywhere.  It's the structure holding the prize at the end of the match, so nobody's messing with that.  The ladder, however, is merely the means to reach the goal.  It's mobile.  It adds a dynamic that the pole match doesn't necessarily have.  The ladder can be used as just about anything in the ring:  A springboard, a table, weapons of various types, even stilts!!  If you want a weapon in a pole match, you have to bring your own.  If you want a weapon in a ladder match, the ladder IS your weapon.  Spots off the ladder make for much more exciting wrestling than just grabbing something out of the corner.  And I think that's the factor that dictates the uses of the two match types.

I want to end on a positive note for pole matches.  I will say that when done properly, and with the right people, they can actually be really entertaining.  I already mentioned the Mexican Death Match, and while I was disappointed at what the match actually was, holy crap did those two guys tear into each other.  In more recent memory, I was pleasantly surprised by the contract on a pole match between Dolph Ziggler and Alberto Del Rio.  I'll be honest, I was half expecting Ricardo Rodriguez to grab the contract off the floor and keep it for himself.  The match was a lot more entertaining than I expected it to be.  The only thing I was disappointed in was the ending.  Sheamus announcing he was more than happy to take them both on was not as good a payoff as it would have been if they'd torn the contract in half during their struggle... but the whole match was executed well, and it made for an entertaining segment.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Money in the Bank talk

I can't really call this post "Money in the Bank predictions", because I really don't actually want to make any predictions here.

1. WWE championship Money in the Bank match:  So we only have four competitors to this match this year, which honestly, I am okay with.  I was wondering how they were going to handle the matches this year, since the brand extension is all but dissolved, and therefore it makes no sense to have one briefcase for each show.  So what they did is that they have made the contracts specific to the two big championships instead.  On top of that, only former champions are allowed to compete for the WWE championship contract.  I'll admit, I literally banged my head against a wall when John Cena declared he was throwing his name in the hat for the match.  But the more I think about it, the more I like the idea that only veterans can compete for the biggest title in the company.  I think it elevates its meaning.  I could do without the whole Big Show/John Cena drama that is basically front and center, but then again, who else would they have put in that match?  Swagger?  Miz?  And don't say Ziggler, because honestly, why?  Just to get killed for the 4,000th time?  I could go on about Ziggler, but that's for another post.

2. World Heavyweight Championship Money in the Bank match:  In stark contrast to the first match, this one has twice as many competitors, which as I said I am okay with.  This one gives a variety of under- an mid-carders an opportunity to shine.  Last year's winner was Daniel Bryan, who was an internet darling at the time, but not real noticed by the casual fan.  Since then he's made himself a household name, and it's not just the IWC who knows his name anymore.  Now, while I like the concept of a few veterans v. several random guys, I do have some problems with the way this match is booked.  Well, I have two problems with this match, and their names are Christian and Santino Marella.  Sadly, it looks like Cody's on to something about Christian.  He doesn't feel like he cares about the title the way Cody did.  Having both the midcard champions in this match makes the midcard feel very unappreciated.  The only way to salvage it is for Christian to win, cash in for the title, and then hold both his belts in the air from the top rope going, "neener neener neener!" as Cody just looks on with disgust from the floor.  It could happen, I suppose.  Anything could happen.  I'm not sure there's a real favorite to win this one.  Personally, I like Cody, and I hope he goes over.  But this one really is such a toss-up.

3. World Heavyweight Championship: Sheamus v. Alberto Del Rio.  Urgh... you know what?  I have to give credit where it is due to the creative team for whipping up a last-minute go-home story with Del Rio continually attacking Sheamus this last week.  As far as the competitors go, Sheamus just really doesn't do anything for me.  And while I like Del Rio just fine, I think I mark harder for Ricardo when it comes down to it.  That being said, I had the same kind of reaction going into Randy Orton & Mark Henry's first pay-per-view battle, and I was pleasantly surprised.  So we'll have to see what happens.

4. WWE Championship: CM Punk v. Daniel Bryan, with AJ as the special guest referee.  Ho boy, this is where the party is, kids.  The IWC wets its collective pants while the whole world wonders just what the fuck is actually going to happen here.  Will AJ favor one of her boy toys?  Will she call it straight down the middle?  Will she take a third option, screw them both, and declare herself the winner?  It's interesting to watch a female be the focal point of a storyline.  And this isn't just any storyline, it's the biggest storyline in the company.  She's inserted herself into the rivalry that already existed between Punk and Bryan, and she's turned it around so that the whole thing is about her.  And it's better than it sounds on paper, most of the time.  Granted, this week's Raw was extremely painful, but I'm not any less interested to see the outcome because of it.  I like to think it's just Second Act lag.


Okay, so maybe I have one prediction.  Ryback will probably beat up on Curt Hawkins and/or Tyler Reks at some point.  The Funkasaurus might have a little dance break with the Funkateers.  Perhaps Layla and Beth Phoenix will have an impromptu championship match, not that it matters anymore (sigh).  And maybe, just maybe, Tensai beats the crap out of Dolph Ziggler during the WHC MitB, and Vickie ends up leaving with him.