Monday Night Raw
1. These Pairings Made No Sense. So there was a lot of randomness on this episode of Raw. The Miz was paired against Ryback, because Ryback disrupted his show I guess, but then Ryback came out victorious, which upsets me because the Intercontinental Championship has a purpose, and that purpose isn't for the champion to have to lose to unstoppable monsters. I like Ryback just fine, but I love the Miz, and I fear for the prestige of the undercard titles because Miz is a step in the right direction, but I don't get the feeling that WWE cares. Meanwhile, Wade Barrett squashed Tyson Kidd... why? Why is Wade motherfucking Barrett being relegated to jobbers suddenly? When he was injured he was in the middle of feuding against Randy Orton. Wade Barrett should be barreling through the likes of THE RYBACK and shouldn't have to go to the back of the line. These designated jobber squashes are doing more harm that good for me. I mean, how hard is it for them to show us footage of Wade Barrett throwing Randy Orton down a flight of stairs to establish, "Don't fuck with this dude, he's a bad dude." He's not even making a promo here about how this match is beneath him, because it totally is. Also, Big Show interrupted a match between Brodus Clay and Tensai. Because Big Men.
2. Dolph Ziggler momentum. So the climb continues. Last week you'll recall I wasn't all that thrilled at Dolph Ziggler facing Santino, and this week I was slightly less blase about his match with Kofi Kingston. Having a bit of time to mull it over, I guess I am liking the fact that his climb is starting with guys who have recently lost titles. It's definitely a good way to get him some momentum towards that cash-in and a credible World Heavyweight Reign. It really feels like they're setting up for that sometime soon-ish.
3. Wait, is this a Divas Storyline? Yeah, the Night of Champions thing is definitely setting up a story in the Divas division that could potentially be really intriguing. Here we have a clear Who Dunnit? scenario with Kaitlyn's attacker, and it turns out Kaitlyn's attacker is a blonde. I am really really hoping it's Raquel Diaz, because she'd do great to come on the show that ruthless, just taking out random Divas because she doesn't like the way she's dyed their hair or whatever. I would also be okay with Natalya, because Natty is fucking BOSS and I wouldn't put it past her to manipulate her way to a title shot.
TNA Impact!
1. Welcome to Championship Thrusday! ... Which has almost nothing to do with the championships! Seriously, I was expecting an "every title defended" kind of deal with that name. Then again, this is the same company that hyped a Star Wars-themed show where the only mention of Star Wars was a trailer for the new re-release IN 3D. I was highly disappointed here. There was a non-title singles triple-threat match between one half of each of the tag teams competing at Bound for Glory (and I expect we'll see the other half of that match next week). There was a #1 Contender match for the Knockouts Title (which featured one half of the Knockouts Tag Champions). There was a tag team main event where the World Champion and challenger fought on the same damn team... The only title that was contested on Championship Thursday was the Television Title, which is pretty much only because Devon left and the vacated title needed to be filled.
2. Hogan is Slow, and Sting Never Gets the Point. Aces & Eights basically kidnapped Hogan & Sting this week, which I suppose was the only way they were going to get to the clubhouse (seriously, what were they gonna do? Get in the car and use a divining rod to reach their destination?). Then the gang proposed a deal: They will pick two, and TNA will pick two of their best men, and they will fight for custody of Joseph Parks. At first Hogan and Sting assume that they are TNA's two best men, but the leader patiently reiterate to them 3 more times that they are not getting it. Eventually, Hogan gets it and agrees to the deal. However, when they're dropped back off, Sting is still yelling about how it's going to be him. Sting, this is why your career flowchart is a circle. Because you're a dipshit.
3. Your NEW Television Champion! Through a series of eliminations a la Open Fight Night, Hogan narrowed down the applicants to the vacated TV title down to two men: Mr. Anderson and Samoa Joe. I was very heavily leaning towards Samoa Joe, as I'm sure many people were, and I was happily not disappointed. I've been pulling for Joe ever since his losing streak during the BFG series LAST year and the consequent "JOE IS PISSED" semi-storyline that followed. So yeah, I was really happy to see him win the TV title here. I was even happier to see him win by submission when he CHOKED ANDERSON THE FUCK OUT. The beauty of this finish was that when he was handed the title, he was able to make a little tribute by making the "Go To Sleep" sign at the camera. As if to say, "I can also knock men out, and I also have a title." Life made, really.
Friday Night Smackdown!
1. Holy Crap, Thank You WWE. So here's the thing. It's been released that Beth Phoenix has asked for her release. She's got personal issues she's got to deal with, and it's understandable, and so before she leaves, we're being treated to quite a bit of the Glamazon being a badass bitch. Obviously someone in the back likes her, and it's also obvious that our prayers have not fallen on deaf ears. On Friday, we were treated to something truly special in the realm of WWE: a real-life wrestling match between Beth Phoenix and Natalya, These ladies are wrestlers first. Not models, not fucking exotic dancers... WRESTLERS. So it starts with a handshake, and I was already cautiously excited. I expected a quick expose of basic wrestling maneuvers, but I got a lot more than that. I've heard people denounce this and go, "This wasn't a great match. It was mediocre and you people are making it out to be better than it was." No, I'm making it out to be fucking AMAZING considering the source. This is the company that has given us women taking their clothes off on a weekly basis. To see an actual match between two women who actually know what the fuck they're doing is absolutely FANTASTIC. The submission spot when Natty had Beth in the Sharpshooter was probably the best submission I've seen in a while, because Beth sold that spot with everything she had. I just don't have enough good things to say about it, and if you didn't like it, it's probably because YOU got up to pee and missed it, you biased prick.
2. Did He Just Say.. Single... Elimination... Tournament?!? He did!! We've been happily watching the resurgence of the Tag Team division over the last couple of months and now finally there are enough that we can truly focus on it and bring it back to prominence. The Tag Team Championships are in the best shape of any championship right now, and I'll tell you why. First, there's the compelling story of the current Champions. We want to see them succeed because they're so dysfunctional and it just WORKS for them, and they're both entertaining as hell to watch, and I don't think anybody could have predicted that Daniel Bryan and Kane would have this much chemistry together, but they are amazing. Second, there is an entire pool of hungry tag teams, almost all with either matching gear or catchy names, who really really want to break the barrier and take those titles and be able to call themselves the best. Remember how I said I wanted Sandow & Rhodes to become a regular thing and go after the titles? Well, guess what? They competed in the first match in the tournament, and beat the Usos to advance to the second round!
3. Do I have to talk about the WHC picture? I suppose it's kind of the only other thing of note from Friday's show. Turns out Big Show's big entrance on Monday was setting him up to demand a World Heavyweight Title shot. So Friday he got a #1 contender match with Randy Orton, which didn't sit well with Del Rio, who attacked Orton backstage before the match. But Orton competed anyway, because HE'S A MAN, and of course Big Show knocked his lights out and now he's going to face Sheamus at Hell in a Cell. I would have rather seen Orton win, personally. He's one of very few faces I like, and I haven't liked Big Show in a while because lately Creative can only book him as "OMG LOOK AT THIS MAN HE IS HUGE HOW IS [insert wrestler name here] GOING TO OVERCOME THIS." And that just gets kind of old, really fast.
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