Raw 10-24-11

The matches:

1. Randy Orton & Sheamus v. Christian & Cody Rhodes - 3 out of 5

2. Dolph Ziggler v. Santino Marella - 3 out of 5.

3. Alicia Fox v. Natalya - 2 out of 5. Not terrible, and hey look, there ARE other divas!

4. Wade Barrett v. John Morrison - 3 out of 5.

5. John Cena v. The Awesome Truth - 3 out of 5.

Not a lot of comments to make on the matches themselves this week. The real action of this show was in the storyline continuations.

Let's start with Cena, as this is a definite Survivor Series match development. John Laurinaitis had picked Zack Ryder to team with John Cena for the main event, but The Awesome Truth took him out, and instead of picking a new partner, Mr. Ace just took the easy way out and made it a handicapped match instead. When that didn't work out, he kicked the tag team out of the arena, but not before declaring that they will have a match against Cena and a partner of HIS choosing ("You wanna pick your own partner? Would you like that, son?" That's how the tone came out to me.). Mid-sentence, Cena realized who was in his pool of options and opted to offer an invitation to The Rock. And then he spit on the mic.

Next down the ladder is CM Punk. Punk ALMOST has a match against Alberto Del Rio, except that Laurinaitis demanded for Punk to say he respects him. This was the second time in the night that he acted like an abused and neglected wife; I'll get to the first in a moment. Punk, of course, couldn't bear to give the Interim GM the satisfaction and went on a diatribe of all the things wrong with him and his reign at the top, sarcastically saying he respected him for those things. Dejected, Johnny Boy decided he needed another week to decide if CM Punk would get his rematch after all. Actually, that seemed more like a parent move than a rejected lover...

Finally tonight is the story that started the show. Triple H made a speech explaining how Kevin Nash broke his heart, and then played the COO card against Laurinaitis. He demanded for his new GM to find him, offer him an enormous contract, and bring him to the ring. Mr. Ace pleaded with Mr. Haiches, claiming he was overreacting (the first abused/neglected wife moment of the night), but the argument was cut short when Nash ambushed the COO from backstage with a sledgehammer. A few minutes later, he attacked him with it again, as he was being loaded onto the ambulance. As soon as Nash showed up the first time, Laurinaitis was quick to let him know he shouldn't be there and that he should leave.

So, to recap Raw this week, Laurinaitis is Triple H's abused and neglected wife, who is secretly having an affair with Kevin Nash. CM Punk is their son who knows all about it, and they just think he's acting out because, hey, all teenagers go through that phase.

WWE Vengeance

AKA "Rise Above Predictions." Well, I was all kinds of wrong about most of the outcomes, but that didn't stop this from being an entertaining show.

1. Air Boom v. Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger (Tag Team Championship): 3 out of 5. With the card they had, I wasn't sure who would be curtain-jerking this show. I half expected it to be Sheamus/Christian. But this was a good start to "Vengeance will be mine!" I really thought this was going to be Swagger and Ziggler's night, but despite their best efforts, The champions retained. CommonAsGrass over at reddit's r/SquaredCircle suggested that Ziggler and Swagger should be known as Perfect Americans, and I am so behind this idea I felt it deserved a mention. Especially since Zig wrestled in what looked like some of Kurt Angle's old gear with the straps down.

2. Dolph Ziggler v. Zack Ryder (US Championship): 3 out of 5. The Internet Champion may not have captured his first sanctioned singles title last night, but it was still good to see him have a spot in a pay-per-view match. This was the shortest match of the night. It surprised me to see that this was shorter than the Divas match, but in hindsight it makes sense. WWE has been testing Zack Ryder for a while now, and this was the next step: to see how he performs in the big show atmosphere. I hope this translates to a better development of his rivalry with Ziggler, maybe a mention of events from the ZTLIS story. Personally, I'd like to see Ryder deliver a monster clothesline to Ziggler and yell, "That's for Chiapetta!!"

3. Beth Phoenix v. Eve Torres (Diva's Championship): 2 out of 5. Eve lost. Fucking GOOD. I didn't even mind that I mis-called this one. I've ranted enough about this match in my Raw review, so go back and read that if you want to know my feelings about it.

4. Sheamus v. Christian: 4 out of 5. Christian always wrestles like he's in a title match, and I always enjoy watching him work. I called this one wrong, too, but like the Diva's match, I can't be too mad about it. Unlike the Diva's match, it wasn't because there are fundamental problems with the story. I was okay with Christian losing, because the guy who's been around for a while is putting over the relative newcomer. Not that Sheamus needs the rub, but it's certainly understandable.

5. Awesome Truth v. CM Punk and Triple H: 4 out of 5. FINALLY I got a prediction right. I was starting to lose faith. Punk and Trips worked extremely well as a team, making clear and solid tags, and using some great teamwork to cheat in order to wear down their opponents. Nobody expected this match to go off without a hitch, so it wasn't a surprise when Kevin Nash showed up and leveled the playing field, allowing The Awesome Truth to come away victorious.

6. Randy Orton v. Cody Rhodes: 4 out of 5. If any match in this show can be called a grudge match, it's this one. Cody was spectacular as always and carried some amazing spots. At one point, he even began to mimic Orton's "hearing voices" spot he does before an RKO. He didn't catch the Viper with his own move, unfortunately, and in the end he fell to a pinfall. Despite the loss, what Cody showed us was pure art, and the IC belt certainly went up in merit, if not as far as it would have gone with a win.

7. Mark Henry v. Big Show (World Heavyweight Championship): 3 out of 5. Hoo boy. As expected, this wasn't the epic battle WWE wanted it to be, but they still managed to give the fans something to talk about. Henry superplexed Show and the ring broke. Smart marks saw this coming a mile away, but it was still cool to watch. The commentators seem to have forgotten all about Brock Lesner and treated it like something we'd never seen before (7 year rule, anyone?). There was a bit of a difference here. Unlike the Lesnar match, the ring really only half broke. It was tilted to one corner. It looked messy. It looked more like it hadn't been planned all along.

8. Alberto Del Rio v. John Cena (WWE Championship, Last Man Standing): 3 out of 5. Better than I expected, but much of that had to do with the fact that they had to go ahead with their match with the ring in disarray. No ropes to run, no corners to jump off of. I said before I was interested to see where this thing went, but when the match started with the ring out of commission, it peaked my interest just a bit more. These guys were going to have to improvise, and they sure did. Still took a ton of shots from Del Rio and a run-in from Miz and R-Truth to keep Cena down, but the fact remains that Del Rio managed to walk out with the title.

Vengeance Prediction Post

Sheamus v. Christian - This has been an outstanding rivalry so far. Some people have questioned why these two have been feuding at all, but in a rare nod to the WWE's roster use, they seem to have found themselves with more contenders than they have belts. Certainly not all of those contenders are popular with the fans, sure, but at least they recognize that these two competitors are not benchwarmers. There's been quite a bit of back-and-forth, and lately, Christian has been extra ruthless. Despite Sheamus' ability to keep coming back at him, Christian will surely just keep hitting harder until something sticks. Ali's Pick: Christian

Triple H and CM Punk v. The Awesome Truth - John Laurinaitis took a page out of Teddy Long's "Tag-Team ALL The Matches!" Playbook for this one, but then again, it was a pretty obvious booking without it. With the show taking place in San Antonio, I'm wondering if we'll see some backstage antics from one Shawn Michaels. Either way, as much fun as this match is going to be to watch, this is just the start of an ugly war, and The Awesome Truth have more allies than their opponents, one of whom is the acting General Manager of Raw, who loves him some textin'. Ali's Pick: The Awesome Truth

Cody Rhodes v. Randy Orton - Ohhhh my how much fun is this going to be? Cody is on a roll lately, and now he's turned his incredible reign as the Intercontinental Champion into a Roaring Rampage of Revenge against the Viper. This match does not appear to be for the Championship (it could still be added last-minute, but don't hold your breath), but that does not mean that it does not hold as much merit as a title match. Cody is not only on a mission to better his former friend, but also to bring legitimacy back to the title he holds. A win against a former world champion and fan favorite would certainly accomplish both those goals. Ali's Pick: Cody Rhodes

Beth Phoenix v. Eve - Sigh. I know what I'd like to see, but I also know how this company treats it's women. Which is unfortunate. Ali's Pick: Eve

Air Boom v. Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger - Evan Bourne is supposed to be cleared before this match happens, but Vickie's crew is tighter than ever. And don't think that a HEEL like Ziggler is going to forget about his recent injury. I can almost guarantee that he and his partner will work Evan's neck for the majority of the match. Air Boom should put on a good show, but not much else. The more dominant heel team have an amazing manager to back them up. Ali's Pick: Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger

Dolph Ziggler v. Zack Ryder - This should probably be one of the shorter matches of the night, probably the second shortest right up behind the Divas match. Hopefully it won't be too short, however, and we'll get to see some decent work from Zack Ryder. You can certainly expect Ziggler to underestimate his opponent, as he doesn't think he's worthy in the first place, and that is where his downfall will lie. Ali's Pick: Zack Ryder

Mark Henry v. Big Show - Powerful return from the Big Show, and an even more powerful message sent last night when he laid out his opponent for Vengeance with the WMD. Henry will finally have his hands full, but I still don't see this belt coming off the World's Strongest Man so soon. Ali's Pick: Mark Henry

Alberto Del Rio v. John Cena - Last man standing. You know, I'm actually not really sure how to call this one. John Cena has been seen using some... questionable methods to win this match before, but Alberto Del Rio is nothing if not crafty. And an escape artist. Also, it will be his chance to actually beat John Cena and put that man in his place. I've said before, if anyone on the current roster can beat Cena clean, it's Del Rio. Not that I'm expecting a clean finish, I'm just saying. Ali's Pick: Alberto Del Rio

Smackdown 10-21-11

The great thing about the WWE being in Mexico is that I can justify being sarcastic in two languages! Onto the Matches:

1. Mark Henry v. John Morrison - 3 out of 5. I think a lot of people complained about the end, but it was consistent for Henry's character. This would be a terrible time to lose steam.

2. Wade Barret v. Daniel Bryan - 3 out of 5.

3. Sheamus and Zack Ryder v. Christian and Dolph Ziggler - 3 out of 5.

4. Sin Cara v. Sin Cara - 4 out of 5. This was better than I expected, but I do have my reservations.

5. Big Show v. Alberto Del Rio - 3 out of 5. Decent, but meh.

It has been officially announced that Ziggler and Swagger will be challenging Air Boom for the tag team championship. Unfortunately for Dolph Ziggler and Vickie, Teddy Long also set a US Championship match against Zack Ryder to occur after the tag match. This is good news for Ryder and his fans, however, as it is chance to prove to the non-believers that he is ready for the regular midcard.

Cody Rhodes continued to be amazing this week, delivering a monologue in which he discussed the evil in man, and demanding for Orton to admit that he was wrong to look down on him. He name-dropped his father, and I felt it was the perfect opportunity to start calling himself the American Nightmare, but alas, that did not happen. Orton ended up taking out Cody's baggers in the end. This should be an interesting match tomorrow.

Sin Cara v. Sin Cara. Mask v. Mask. Of course this story was leading up to this, but why now? This story should have had months of build-up before they reached this point. As it is, this is only the second time they've faced off in the ring (no pun intended). Perhaps it was because they were in Mexico, to make the de-masking that much more intense. After all, they take those masks pretty seriously there. It just ended up feeling like a quick squash to a feud that was starting to have a lot of potential. And especially after the way the two Caras performed. The other problem is that Azul, the one who supposedly stole Negro's identity not once, but twice, came out on top. He's gonna get away with identity theft. The only way to resolve this story botch is for Heel Cara to de-mask Face Cara as well, and put them both back on an even playing field. Then there could be some serious heat between the two men, they could quit with the ridiculous mood lighting, and maybe without the masks to hinder their vision, the quality of both men's performances could improve.

Well, a girl can dream, can't she?

TNA

Wrestling sure does matter here, man.

Impact 10-20-11

TNA only had 3 real matches this week, in favor of a whole crapload of promos, mostly centering around Hogan and Bischoff. TNA, because Wrestling Matters.

1. Tara and Tessmacher v. Angelina Love and Winter - 3 out of 5. Good to see the Knockout Tag Champs again

2. Gunner v. Abyss - 1 out of 5. Seriously, what was the point of that? It wasn't even a proper squash.

3. Velvet Skye v. Madison Rayne - N/A. This was never supposed to be a match, but Karen Jarrett (weekly reminder: a Bitch) sure made Velvet believed it was happening.

4. James Storm v. Kurt Angle - 1 out of 5. What, seriously?

Like I mentioned, this was an absurdly promo-heavy show. The first one was so long it had at least two commercial breaks. There was a lot to cover there, sure, and it wasn't terrible, it's just that I feel sorry for those who watched it last night on TV. I laid down for a nap yesterday afternoon and nobody woke me up for wrestling, so I had to catch a replay stream today. Without commericals, the promo seemed like your regularly-paced opening segment. Why TNA decided it needed to cut it up so badly is beyond me. Dixie Carter is in control of the company, but Sting is now the General Manager of Impact. Bobby Roode demanded a rematch, but apparently there was a clause in the BFG contract that stated that Roode could only wrestle Angle once. This led up to the main event of the night being booked: Angle v. James Storm. Ohhhh, we will get there, my friends.

One of the main big developments of the night happened while Karen Jarrett was being a Bitch. She set up Velvet Skye to supposedly have a title match right then and there with Madison Rayne. The match turned out to just be a pretense, however, and Madison Rayne's entrance was just the distraction that allowed an attack from behind from Gail Kim, who's finally been released of her WWE duties. Also, is it just me, or is Karen Jarrett the TNA equivalent of John Laurinaitis? She's getting to the point where she's incapable of getting in the ring without reminding everyone that she's the VP of the Knockouts division.

Now... James Storm, new TNA World Heavyweight Champion. This was only the second time this year I've been spoiled about something in pro wrestling (the first being Christian's title loss just days after obtaining it for the first time). I was a little confused as to why (other than the fact that Hogan likes him better than Roode), but the opening promo sorted that out for me. Then the rest of the show was spent wondering how it would play out. I imagined an intense battle for about 15 minutes, the competitors trading clotheslines and suplexes, until Angle hooked in the Ankle Lock. Then Storm would roll out of it, overcome his opponent, and pin him for the win. That's how it should have played out. Instead, we got Angle beating on Storm in the corner for a couple of minutes and then turning around to argue with the ref. When he turned back around Storm superkicked him to oblivion and pinned him.

... What? Really? That was it? One of the biggest spoilers of the year, all that anticipation, and I sat through this whole damn show for that? I had to sit through Immortal being generally intimidating towards Hogan twice. I had to suffer Jeff Jarrett and Jeff Hardy battling it out again. I had to listen to Karen Jarrett be a Bitch for 5 solid minutes, and fail to make any sense with her motherhood comment. And then you insult me with a squash where there most certainly should not have been a squash. This is a title match, TNA, against two competitors who are, for argument's sake, more or less evenly matched. It's as though the writers got carried away on this week's promos and realized at the last minute that they forgot to leave any time for the main event. The knockouts had a longer match than Angle and Storm did. Oh, and here's the kicker: there was time left over after the match. You guessed it: more talking. Why not make the match longer, and leave the mics out of the celebration, and give us a decent match?

Oh, I get it. These go to "SUCK".

Raw 10-17-11

The matches:

1. Mark Henry, Cody Rhodes, & Christian v. John Morrison, Sheamus, and Randy Orton - 3 out of 5. Not much to say about this match, really.

2. Natalya v. Eve - 2 out of 5. More of the same. Except now, Eve is the title contender.

3. CM Punk v. The Miz - 4 out of 5. This was the highlight of the night for me. Punk and Miz in the ring, with Triple H and Truth in their respective corners? Yes, please!

4. Zack Ryder v. Jack Swagger - 3 out of 5. Did Zack Ryder just win a squash??

5. Dolph Ziggler v. Mason Ryan - 2 out of 5. I mean, I get it, but meh.

6. John Cena and Jim Ross v. Alberto Del Rio and Michael Cole - 3 out of 5. Yeah, I thought we were done seeing Michael Cole's ring presence, too.

Vengeance is this weekend, and I wish I could say I was more excited about it. Much of the card is lackluster, and in a couple of places, there are huge problems I have with it. Two big developments came out of Monday's program, so let's talk about them.

First of all, The main event won John Cena the right to name the stipulation in the WWE championship match against Del Rio. First he demonstrated, and then for those who were not in the know, he explained that he's chosen a Last Man Standing match. I'm not sure how to feel about this. I try not to let others influence my opinions on such matters, which is probably good because I've heard both sides. It just seems like this is the kind of match that can be great or awful depending on who the competitors are. With Cena and Del Rio? I'd like to hold out hope, but expecting a solid 3.

Now, here's the development I had a huge problem with: Eve v. Beth Phoenix for the Diva's championship. Hey, fans, remember when Beth had to win a Diva's Battle Royal to earn the right to face Kelly Kelly? Yeah, apparently neither does the 'E , cause they just handed the opportunity to Eve. What? I can't even... this bothers me on so many levels. First of all, they seem to be just fine with this idea that they only have 4 women on the roster. We all like Nat and Beth, but would it kill us to have a NON-TITLE storyline between a couple of the other girls? Nobody noticed Alicia Fox go face after Natalya punished her for losing a tag match, so it wouldn't bother anybody to have her turn heel again and start a rivalry against A.J. Kaitlyn could beat the hell out of Maryse on a semi-regular basis. Get Layla back on her feet again and pair her up with Tamina to shut up those damn Bella Twins once and for all. You're letting two-thirds of your women's roster rot while you push the same four girls every single week, and without even a shred of consistency.

The other problem I have with the new contender is the message it sends about the women's division. Like I mentioned above, before Beth was the champion, before she was even the #1 contender, she had to go through the rest of the Divas, all at once, in order to have the privilege of being in the title race. Now that she is the champion, Eve has to do nothing but be Kelly Kelly's best friend. Was Kelly Kelly really so untouchable that they needed a competition to determine if anyone was good enough to take her on? Is Beth's reign worth less than Kelly's, that anyone who wants to have a shot just automatically gets a pay-per-view match? No, no, this is not a world I want to live in. Dammit, WWE, stop shitting all over the Divas, and give them something to do. TNA tells more compelling stories with their women, and they have less who are currently wrestling than you! Their last champion was a vampire, for crying out loud, and I'd rather watch them than see what you're doing (or not doing) with your girls.

A,J, Styles vs. Christopher Daniels

Bound For Glory was just two nights ago, and the only match I have any interest in talking about is AJ vs. Daniels.  It was a spellbinding match, but for me it went just a little bit over the top.  I've been trying to pinpoint why for a few hours now, and I think I've finally put my finger on what bothers me so badly.

It wasn't the violence level.  I grew up on old school ECW. I'm used to violence.  If you don't like violence, why in the world are you watching wrestling in the first place?  This match reminded me a lot of the feeling I used to get watching those wonderful matches out of a little bingo hall.  More recently, there was the fabled Mankind-Rock match with Mick's wife and children at ringside.  The camera focused on the horror on the children's faces many times, and if i remember my history correctly, there was even a point where Collette Foley removed the children from ringside because they were too scared by what they saw.

It wasn't the storyline.  Many good wrestling stories have revolved around the idea of two friends with a splintered relationship beating the dogmess out of each other for our enjoyment.  The Rockers, Raven and Tommy Dreamer, and Macho Man and Hulk Hogan are all examples that float to the top of my mind.

What was it then?  The screwdriver? No... that's not it.  In wrestling, all tools are just props, and I treat them as such in my mind.

Finally, I pinpointed my issue, and when it did, it hit me like a ton of bricks.  You know that part in the match where Daniels grabbed the microphone and spoke directly into camera at AJ's wife, and advised her to take the kids out of the room, because he didn't want them to see him "murder their father in cold blood."

That was the moment that rattled around in my head and gathered into one giant boulder of disgust.  Murder.

Unfortunately, most of the time when wrestling is mentioned in the media, it's due to tragedy.  Not too long ago, murder was the reason why.  It's a galvanizing topic, and one that always skirts controversy and arguments galore within the internet community.  Even the mention of the murderer's name is enough to raise the ire of entire webforums.

That man's name was Chris Benoit.  I do not wish to discuss him right now, in a positve or a negative light.  I may broach the topic one day, but that day isn't today.

The main point I'm trying to make here is that even in the no holds barred circus of professional wrestling, there are certain boundaries that should not be crossed.  Ever.  Murder, even implied or attempted murder, is one of them.  It brings up bad memories of a time when wrestling was drug out into the media and beaten down.  I can't even be jovial about it.  It makes me sad.

That being said, I did think the match told a good story. I also look forward to at least two more matches from these great competitors.  Just...please, no more murder...

Bound For Glory

AKA "Rape, Murder, and Child Abuse". Quite a few matches to get through on this one, so let's get to it! (Strong Language Ahead)

0. Mexican America v. Ink Inc. (Tag Team Championship): Apparently, this was last night's dark match. Because fuck you, that's why. Seriously, who else but TNA would book a title match on the weekly program and then run it prior to the broadcast portion of the pay-per-view?

1. Austin Aries v. Brian Kendrick (X-Division Championship): 3 out of 5. Austin Aries retained, which is fine with me. He can continue to act like a rock star and be entertaining as hell.

2. Rob Van Dam v. Jerry Lynn (Full Metal Mayhem): 3 out of 5. This should have been a 4, but the unpredictability of the props forced a few too many botches and brought it down a bit. It's not a TLC match because literally anything metal was allowed as a weapon. A guard rail was brought into the ring about halfway through. The long history between these competitors meant a lot of back-and-forth countering to begin the match, but RVD finally pulled out the victory at the end after nearly decapitating Lynn with a ladder in the corner.

3. Crimson v. Matt Morgan v. Samoa Joe: 2 out of 5. Joe had the idea that he might divide and conquer with these two, but it didn't work. Not only was the result predictable (Crimson pinned Joe), it didn't even make sense. Morgan hit Joe with his finisher only to curl up in the corner, and the pin happened about 10 seconds later, with Morgan only feet away nursing his leg. To be honest, the whole premise for this match didn't work. Last Thursday, Joe accused his opponents of being scared of him because he's the "alpha male". He talks like a monster heel, but a monster heel gimmick only works if you, I don't know, WIN a few matches?? Joe has had about one win in the last six months.

4. Mr. Anderson v. Bully Ray (Philadelphia Street Fight, "rape"): 2 out of 5. Prior to the match Bully Ray cut a promo about raping the people of Philly. Emotionally, I suppose, but he entered the interview area with the rape face and never took it off. I had to give this a 2, because I had to look up the ending to even remember how it ended. The only thing I clearly remember is the microphone spot, where Bully Ray used Anderson's mic to announce himself mid-match, and then Anderson took the mic and hit Bully Ray with it. Probably less fun than it should have been.

5. Winter v. Velvet Skye v. Mickie James v. Madison Rayne (Knockouts Championship, Karen Jarret special guest referee): 3 out of 5. This would would have been a 4, if not a 5, if it weren't for the inclusion of Karen Jarret, who is a Bitch. The match finally ended when Winter's mist misfired into Jarret's face, and Traci Brooks ran out to take over referee duty. Velvet Skye as new Knockouts champion? I am okay with this.

6. A.J. Styles v. Christopher Daniels (I Quit match, "murder"): 4 out of 5. When I say murder, I mean Christopher Daniels was literally trying to kill A.J. Styles in the ring. To the point that he even told Styles' wife to take his kids out of the room so that they would have to watch their father be murdered in cold blood. A.J. eventually got the upper hand, though, and grabbed the screwdriver that Daniels had been trying to stab him with. Daniels pussied out in about 2 seconds flat and said I Quit. Afterwards, he ambushed Styles from the backstage area as the winner was slowly making his exit and exclaimed that Styles never beat him.

7. Sting v. Hulk Hogan ("child abuse"): 3 out of 5. I know, I know, it's higher than I expected to give this match. But Hogan did a lot more than I expected, and even ended up taking a couple of bumps, as well as bleeding for his art. Earlier in the night it had been established that referee Jackson James is Eric Bischoff's son, and was expected by his father to make sure that Sting lost the match. However, when Sting caught Hogan in a submission, the Hulkster was forced to tap out, and after hesitation and some pleading with the legend, the kid had no choice but to ring the bell. Immortal came to the ring to take out their frustrations, of course, and Bischoff beat up his son (hence, "child abuse"). The real kicker here, though, is that Sting actually started to plead with Hogan to help him. The crowd seemed into this idea and chanted Hogan's name. Now Hogan's a face. *headdesk*

8. Bobby Roode v. Kurt Angle (Heavyweight Championship): 3 out of 5. Well, here we are. Roode beat down 11 other contenders for the right to challenge for the title, and then was forced to wrestle against his friends for 3 more weeks. Hogan stated in an interview that he doesn't think Roode is "the guy" and maybe that had something to do with the outcome. Damn you, Hogan. It was a good match anyway, and let's certainly hope that Roode doesn't have to fall back to the back of the line.

Smackdown update

I thought 3 posts in one day might be a little much, so I held off my Smackdown recap for tonight while I'm gearing up for Bound For Glory.

Probably the only thing of interest that happened last week that didn't have to do with the Raw walkout was the return of Big Show and his decimation of Mark Henry. He demanded a shot at the title, and when Henry said no, Show put him through the announce table. He would have inducted Henry into his own Hall of Pain, but Teddy Long quickly ran out and told him he could have his shot if he spared the World's Strongest Man's ankle. So Show took the chair and beat Henry with it instead.

This week, let's see... let's start with the suck.

-Randy Orton surprised no one by first winning a 41-man battle royal to challenge the champion of his choice, and then choosing Mark Henry. Which means we had to endure those two in the ring again as the main event.

Actually, I can't find anything else from the recap that I hated that much. Unfortunately, the good is just as thin:

-Teddy Long apparently is seeking help for his tag-team addiction, as he opted instead to call for a battle royal. Either that, or it was Laurinaitis' idea. I'd prefer to believe the former, personally.

-Kelly Kelly managed to semi-successfully land the Glam Slam. Not sure if learning, or fluke.

The rest of the show was pretty standard. I don't want to say lackluster. The remainder of the matches and backstage spots furthered the storylines of their respective superstars. Heel Cara stole Face Cara's mask and proceeded to wrestle in it. Christian screwed Sheamus not once, but twice. Zack Ryder was on TV again, helping Kofi Kingston to defeat ZigSwag. And after laying out Henry again, Show threw Cody Rhodes to Orton. Like I said, pretty standard stuff. Nothing too terribly shocking or out of the ordinary this week.

Unfortunately, that leaves me with very little to talk about. I hope Laurinaitis doesn't make a habit of showing up on Smackdown, but other than that... yeah. See you folks tomorrow for Bound For Glory results!

Raw update

So last week's Raw was the last thing I did manage to write about. This week, there was fallout from the walkout. Here's how it went down:

-Triple H threatens to wrestle a broom for 2 hours. Luckily, he doesn't have to, as first John Cena, then Sheamus, and finally CM Punk come to his aid. Since they're all there, Trips decides to referee a match between Sheamus and Cena, with Punk on commentary. Punk can even wear Mister Haiches' blazer.

-After a commercial break, the match is abruptly interrupted by Vince McMahon, who is there to deliver the message from the Board of Directors that in order to end the walk-out, Triple H has been replaced as Raw GM... by John Laurinaitis. Because we all didn't see that coming.

-The rest of the show continues as normal, except now Johnny Ace is in charge. Triple H makes a threatening remark. The main event of CM Punk v. ADR is interrupted mid-match by Mr. Ace, and changed to a tag-team match (Maybe he's been hanging out with Teddy Long too much). Oh, look, he's hired back the Awesome Truth. (Okay, it was nice to see Miz's smug face back on TV.)

So those would be the main bulletpoints. To recap: The best part of the show was the first ten minutes. And then it all went downhill from there.

Don't get me wrong, though, there were some good parts about the show after Vince relieved Trips of his duties. The good?

-Vickie's growing stable continued to assert their dominance. Although she's not yet officially representing Christian or Cody Rhodes, these two are an excellent compliment to ZigSwag, and a long-term partnership could make for some really interesting television.

-Speaking of Cody Rhodes, he descended even deeper into his madness after attacking Randy Orton and bagging him. The evil laugh he debuted on Monday was nothing short of a perfect supervillain gimmick. Which suits him, since he's already Dr. Doom/The Phantom of the Opera.

-Triple H + CM Punk. I've stated before I'm often a minority voice on the internet. Personally, I think this is one storyline that has been worked well for the current uprising. Trips went from despising Punk, to having a begrudging respect for him, and now finally, his appreciation for the Second City Saint sticking with him against all odds. Both these guys have only been trying to do what they think is right. And now we'll get to see how that plays out when they team up together against The Awesome Truth at Vengeance.

TNA update

Sometimes real life writes the plot here at Girls Watch Wrestling. My job has got a case of the extreme craziness and I just haven't had the time/energy to write up the reviews the last couple of weeks. With my deepest apologies, I will try to catch up the storylines. For brevity's sake, the next few posts will not have match listings or ratings. Instead, I'm just going to try to recap and share my thoughts on the recent storylines. First up, TNA Impact!

Bound For Glory is finally upon us! The main event, thank goodness, is Bobby Roode v. Kurt Angle for the Heavyweight title. I say thank goodness, because the other big match is Hogan v. Sting. Last week, Sting outed Hogan's "retirement" for the fraud it was (seriously, did people really buy that story?). In a fit of... I suppose it was supposed to be fury, Hogan's acting left something to be desired... Hogan exclaimed before he could stop himself that if Sting could beat him, Dixie Carter could have the company back. Clasp hand to mouth OMG what did I just say?????? Yeah, it made about that much sense. Sting left happy, at least. Which is more I think than I can say for anyone who might actually be looking forward to that match. Here's the first tip: Don't expect a Sting v. Hogan wrestling match. Expect a Sting v. Immortal wrestling match with Hogan as the coach, because Hogan has no business in the ring outside of being a voice. Even he knows it, and has gone on record as saying he won't be taking any bumps. I predict a few punches from Hulk to start with, but the first sign of an actual wrestling match, you can damn sure expect all his buddies to show up with chairs and the like. You can probably also expect other enemies of Immortal to come even the odds to allow Sting the victory.

As for the knockouts, well... Karen Jarret is a Bitch: The Movie. Actually, the four-way should be pretty good, as everyone has a pretty strong motive. Winter will be fighting to keep her championship, and Angelina Love will be fighting to help. Mickie James will be fighting to get HER championship back. Again. Velvet Skye will be fighting to prove herself as a dominant Knockout. Madison Rayne will be fighting to make herself look good to the Queen Bitch.

Ink Inc. will take on Mexican America. Okay. Samoa Joe has challenged Matt Morgan and Crimson the Gimp to a 3-way, should be interesting. Mr. Anderson takes another shot at Bully Ray. Christopher Daniels will be trying to make A.J. Styles say I Quit WITHOUT the guyliner. Brian Kendrick has a rematch against Austin Aries for the X-Division Championship. Rob Van Dam will go against Jerry Lynn. Woo. Oh, yeah, and Jeff Hardy will be around, for people to yell at him about how he messed up, I guess.

Speaking of Jeff Hardy, he's got a new DVD. This one appears to be about how he totally screwed up and how he's trying to get himself back together. Mehe's first reaction when she saw that commercial? "HOW'S YOUR BROTHER JEFF??" Then again, that's her standard reaction to seeing Jeff on screen these days.

I gotta be honest, if anything mind-boggling happened at the end of this week's show, we didn't see it. None of us were able to hold our attention to the show and by the three-quarters mark it wasn't even on the screen anymore.

Now, finally, possibly the most exciting news to come out of the TNA camp these last couple of weeks has been the behind-the-scenes changes. First, Vince Russo was taken from the position of Head Writer. That was exciting enough. Then yesterday, news broke that Dave Lagana will be taking over the position of Director of Creative Writing. Does this mean good news for our floundering underdog? Well, we'll just have to wait and see. We are cautiously optimistic here, but we will certainly be watching to see how these changes affect the programming.

Raw 10-3-11

The matches:

1. Randy Orton v. Drew McIntyre - 4 out of 5. Nice to see Drew Mac in the ring again, and it's amazing to see once again what a fabulous mane of hair adds to the action. Randy had his hands full with this one, so I'm hoping Drew's excellent performance translates to more screen time.

2. Mark Henry v. John Morrison - 3 out of 5. It wasn't as much of a squash as I expected, but to quote Maffew, Morrison has become the "World's Sexiest Jobber".

3. Beth Phoenix v. Kelly Kelly - 1 out of 5. When a match ends in under a minute with a DQ, nobody wins.

4. Santino Marella v. Jinder Majal - 3 out of 5. I never thought I'd see a segment with Jinder that I found entertaining. That's the comedic power of Santino. YAHTZEE!

5. John Cena, CM Punk, Air Boom, Sheamus, and Mason Ryan v. Alberto Del Rio, Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler, Christian, Cody Rhodes, and David Otunga - 4 out of 5. Five champions in one ring. Wow. This one probably could have done without Ryan and Otunga. 10 men would have been enough. 12 felt a little crowded, which is why it gets a 4.

Everyone knows what happened at the end of the show, with the superstars giving a vote of no confidence to the COO, Triple H. Here are my problems with that segment: One, Beth Phoenix was the spokesperson for the Divas, who apparently are just scared little girls. It would have felt more natural to have the Bellas delivering this speech. Kelly can't, because she's Super Girl, and can leap tall buildings and stuff. Two, the male wrestlers complained that Triple H didn't really say anything in his rebuttals. None of THEM said anything in their grievances! They didn't even reference any specific occurrences. The only guy who made a good point, with specific examples? WWE referee Mike Chioda. The second most relevant speaker at this uprising was Jerry "The King" Lawler, who said that although Triple H being in power is certainly the reason for the chaos, he doesn't believe he's the one behind it.

Here's another problem I have with the storyline as it stands: David Otunga is the legal council to the roster. Now, when they DID manage to complain about something specific last night, it was the threat of Miz & R-Truth being able to get in and attack them. Meanwhile, it's hinted that Otunga was THEIR legal council behind their wrongful termination lawsuit. In their video, they spoke of "powerful attorneys" and when questioned about it, Otunga didn't admit to having anything to do with it. On the other hand, he didn't exactly deny it either. Isn't that some kind of conflict of interest? David better decide which side he's on. On the plus side, someone must have told him how ridiculous his "lawyer" getup looked.

No mention has been made about the next pay-per-view at all.

Hell in a Cell

First of all, I'd like to say that I was really confused going into this. I think I may have been the only one who didn't get that the top-card championships were the only two that were going to actually be in the cell, but I was actually really happy about that. That being said, let's take a look at the feast WWE programming laid out for us:

1. Christian v. Sheamus: 4 out of 5. I think I mentioned this before, but I really like both these guys. Christian is a consistently good performer, and although I think Sheamus' Brogue Kick is the new Sweet Chin Music, he and his enhanced red hair have really been making themselves noticed with this feud. I've heard some nay-sayers on this story, but the top championships are already tied up, these guys are too big to go back to midcard titles, and they both deserve to be on TV. So this is one I'm enjoying the development on.

2. Air Boom v. Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger (Tag Team Championship): 3 out of 5. There was no surprise here. As I said in my predictions, Ziggler and Swagger's story is likely not over. The match was decent enough, but nothing super memorable.

3. Sin Cara v. Sin Cara: 3 out of 5. This was my ONLY mis-call of the night, with Face Cara going over Heel Cara in the end. In hindsight, I suppose it makes sense to give the first win to Blue and Gold. After all, Black and Silver's whole grief is that he stole his identity, so an immediate win by him would more likely have an "Oh, Okay." feel to it. More than one person has suggested that they should just shake hands and become a tag team (boyfriend's idea: Los Conquistadors). Start them against ZigSwag (Reta Repulsa v. the Power Rangers, anyone?)

4. Randy Orton v. Mark Henry (World Heavyweight Championship): 2 out of 5. I was so excited for this match going in, but it didn't deliver the way it should have. Of course Henry was going to retain, but this match may as well have not even had the cell around it. I think they remembered it was there once, and Henry smashed Orton up against the links. Otherwise, I was just left disappointed. Orton and Christian gave us increasingly more entertaining PPV battles during their rivalry, and Orton and Henry should be taking that and turning it up to 11. FAIL.

5. Cody Rhodes v. John Morrison (Intercontinental Championship; impromptu booking by... someone.): 3 out of 5. I hate giving this match a 3. It should have been a 4, especially with the fine scouting work Rhodes did. However, this was basically a squash. On the plus side, Cody re-introduced the classic belt and that paired with his dominating the match solidified the title's return to legitimacy. I was pointed to this article at a forum, and I recommend everyone to read it.

6. Beth Phoenix v. Kelly Kelly: 3 out of 5. That's saying something. With the state of the Diva's division (or rather, lack thereof), I feel like a 3 is the highest I can rate the women at this point. It was everything you've come to expect from the 4 performers involved (Nat quickly disposed of Eve when she tried to get involved). Kelly screamed a lot, got off 4 of her 5 Moves of Doom, and failed to correctly land on the Glam Slam again. The plus side is that Beth finally took out Barbie and ended her worthless title reign. For the Divas, that's a win. This one should have been in the cell. Maybe a regular cage match for these two at Survivor Series?

7. CM Punk v. Alberto Del Rio v. John Cena (WWE Championship): 4 out of 5. The predictions were right: the cell WAS an asset for Del Rio, in more ways than one. It allowed him to be as ruthless as he wanted against goody-two-shoes Cena, and later on, he and Ricardo Rodriguez were able to lock THE CHAMP outside the cell, leaving him helpless to defend that stupid title. Punk did his share, by setting up a table for a move that never flushed out, and then going through that table a few minutes later. He's no pushover, but Del Rio has acres of determination.

I can't end the article without mentioning the volatile ending. Miz & Truth, who had been seen with tickets in the crowd, and then later being thrown out after attacking Air Boom in the locker room, returned in hoodies and absolutely demolished everyone inside the cell. Even the cameramen weren't safe. Once the chain was finally cut open, they surrendered quickly, but Triple H had had enough by then and attacked what were technically two totally defenseless civilians, as well as The Executive Vice-President of Talent Relations, John Laurinaitis.

Ho boy, this is gonna be one hell of a shitstorm for Raw.

Hell in a Cell: Ali's Predictions!

So let's take a look at those matches one by one, shall we?

WrestlingInc. has listed one match that isn't on the WWE website, and that is Air Boom v. Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger for the tag team titles. This feels a little forced right now, with Awesome Truth being currently fired, and the Usos (who had been looking like they might be the next big rivalry for the tag champs) being out of the picture for the time being due to Jimmy's DUI. I don't think the current title holders have much to worry about here; Dolph is already US Champion, and I'm not really feeling a dual champ right now. I'm also suspicious of how quickly he turned around on the issue of Jack Swagger. I don't think their story is over, so putting the belts on them doesn't make sense right now. I'm giving this one to Air Boom to retain.

Now, on to the WWE.com listed matches:

1. Sin Cara v. Sin Cara: As I mentioned in my Smackdown post, I really have a problem with the idea of these two in a cage. Any cage, and especially Hell in a Cell, should be reserved for a climactic point within a story. We haven't even come anywhere close to that point with the two Caras, as this will be the first time they'll actually wrestle each other. My hope here is that they will be the curtain-jerkers, and the Cell will be suspended for the duration. At any rate, Heel Cara has been built as the more ruthless and aggressive of the two, and the man clearly has a score to settle going back to their time in Mexico. Ali's Pick: Heel Cara

2. Sheamus v. Christian: These two have been doing a great job of building this match given the short period of time they've had. They're both mean in the ring, albeit in different ways, and it should be a good one to watch. With Sheamus' brute force and Christian's cunning agility pitted against each other, it's by far the hardest match in the show to call. I think they both kick out of finishers during the course, but ultimately one will have to stay down. Ali's Pick: Sheamus

3. Kelly Kelly v. Beth Phoenix: Oh, the frustrations I have gone through the last two or so months with these girls. Kelly is terrible in the ring, and she's botched the Glam Slam twice this week. She may be quick, but I think by now the Divas of Doom have her scouted, and besides, she can't be lucky all the time. Third time's the charm! Ali's Pick: Beth Pheonix

4. Mark Henry v. Randy Orton: Two weeks ago, this was the match I was least looking forward to. However, once Night of Champions was upon us, and I was actually watching the match, I was finally sold on the rivalry. This time around, I'm actually interested to see what these two can bring and how they can top their last performance. I don't think a cell is going to change the outcome. It certainly will make it more painful, which therefore gives the advantage to the current champion and his Hall of Pain. Ali's Pick: Mark Henry

5. John Cena v. CM Punk v. Alberto Del Rio: This was another tough one to call. Alberto Del Rio is the wild card in the match. He's the least experienced of the three, and the one who has never wrestled in a cell before. However, I think his ruthless persona will shine through in this kind of a match, and we can expect some crazy spots. John Cena has developed a knack this year for not being able to hold on to the championship whenever he wins it, and reportedly, he's supposed to be wrestling in the 10-man elimination tag at Survivor Series at the end of November. Punk, meanwhile, has solidified his state of being a marketable draw without holding the title, perhaps even BECAUSE he isn't holding the title. I made the comment at Night of Champions, his match with Triple H was the only non-title match, and it was the main event. ADR is just a mean heel archetype that will stop at nothing to be on the top. Interesting aside: He's the only one in this match who is solidly on one extreme of the sliding scale of good vs. evil. Cena would like to be, but the fans disagree. Ali's Pick: Alberto Del Rio

Smackdown 9-30-11

The Matches:

1. Mark Henry v. The Great Khali - 2 out of 5. Served it's purpose, but man did this hurt to watch.

2. Jack Swagger v. Evan Bourne - 3 out of 5. Vickie served up the interference her client needed to gain the advantage and make the high-flyer tap out.

3. Sin Cara v. Heath Slater - 3 out of 5. Yay, Heath! Poor Heath. Yay, Heel Cara with a new color combo! And a reference to their history in Mexico! This may be more interesting than I thought.

4. Kelly Kelly v. Natalya - 2 out of 5. Kelly won AGAIN?? *bangs head on wall* And then she botched her second Glam Slam in a week. Please, make it stop.

5. Sheamus v. Cody Rhodes - 3 out of 5. Good match from two guys I like a lot. Christian interfered and built the heat for his match with Sheamus rather nicely.

6. Zack Ryder v. JTG - 3 out of 5. I was surprised to see JTG get Smackdown time, but it was a good start for the quickly-rising Zack Ryder to get over without teammates, outside assistance, or opponents who are total jokes.

7. Randy Orton v. Christian - 4 out of 5. Oh, man, much as I want this "one more match" thing to end, I had somehow already forgotten how amazing these two guys are in the ring together. This was very near pay-per-view quality, and I loved it.

Now that we have an Evil Cara palette-swap, we're finally going to see these two in action against each other. Heel Cara has just been menacing his Face counterpart for the last few weeks, stealing his wins and causing his losses, but those days are behind us. I'm actually pretty excited to see these two in a ring together. Er, you know, actually wrestling. The only problem I have with it is the cage. I'll get to that in my predictions article, coming up right after this one!

Obligatory Woo Woo Woo Zack Ryder push excitement here!

The heels continue their consultation of David Otunga and his Harvard Law Degree, and I'm expecting next week to have Otunga call them to a meeting with the lawsuit all drawn up, probably resulting in them confronting Triple H at the end of the show. Also, I'm wondering why no one has told David how silly he looks. He needs to switch to a necktie and add a jacket at this point. With a briefcase. Bonus points if I.R.S. returns to television for semi-regular consultations.

Coming up next: predictions!

Impact 9-29-11

The Matches:

1. Kid Kash v. Jesse Sorensen v. Brian Kendrick v. Alex Shelley v. Zima Ion - 3 out of 5. My boyfriend continues his tradition of adding to my notes and wrote "Clusterfuck!" next to this one. I like midcard high-flyers, but I was a little lost.

2. Jesse Neal v. Hernandez - N/A. Mexican America didn't allow this match to start when they attacked Ink Inc. before the bell rang.

3. Madison Rayne v. Tara - 3 out of 5. Interesting tactic by Rayne, and it almost backfired on her. Good thing for her Heb's a shady ref.

4. Pope v. Ken Anderson - 3 out of 5. Intervention by Devon's kids caused enough confusion to allow Bully Ray to slip into the ring unnoticed and hit Anderson with a kendo stick.

5. AJ Styles v. Bobby Roode - 4 out of 5. The boy wanted to give this one a 5, but I think my system is a little to strict to allow this. Sorry, hon.

So Hogan had a big announcement scheduled for the end of the night. Try as he might, Flair couldn't change his mind, and it turned out that the announcement was that he was retiring from the business forever. Hey, did that crowd just cheer Hulk? Suckers. How obvious is this that it's just a device to try to get himself out of wrestling Sting at Bound for Glory? Well, at least the Stinger and I can see it. Will it work? Probably not.

As I like to post developments to the promotion's next pay-per-view in each of my entries, it helps when I know just what those developments are. In the case of Bound For Glory, I can only remember three of these matches being clearly established on the weekly program: Hulk/Sting, Angle/Roode, and the 4-way Knockouts match. There are three others listed on the website, however, which make sense, but haven't been spelled out on TV yet. Those are Van Dam/Lynn, Anderson/Bully Ray, and Mexican America/Ink Inc. One more was added this week when Brian Kendrick won the right to face Austin Aries for the X-Division championship in that 5-man ladder match. So that's 7 matches already, and hopefully the ones that haven't been marketed yet will be flushed out in the upcoming weeks. I get so confused sometimes.